Too much or too little attention

The need to be seen, to be acknowledged, is timeless, ageless, borderless. I start from a place of awe and gratitude that I am even included. I know I am valued, loved and safe, but for some reason I have this sense of being invisible. I sometimes take my leave from parties without saying goodbye because I am convinced nobody would even notice I left. But hear me out: I’m not sad about it. Being invisible is comfortable. Except you know what happens when you think you are invisible but instead you are quite visible? You make a fool of yourself. You might get an itch, or a bugger thinking that nobody sees you but you are center stage. You might walk around naked thinking you are invisible and then you cause an accident. Anyway, I say this now, because I feel overstimulated and overly-included. I do most of it to myself. I find opportunities to serve or host or speak and I still do them.

I have this group on Thursdays that is so cool, so raw, so inteligent and hungry for wisdom. I sometimes, most often, can’t really find my words to speak coherently because I keep waiting for the right time and then when I do have the space to speak I say it all at once. Occasionally it makes sense, most often I don’t think it does. Only the poems keep the conversation in line.

Zion, and the chosen line.
David and his obedience and humility.
In truth I am grateful to be grafted by faith
into God’s people.
I trust that I fully belong and I’m not ashamed to hold onto the promise.
I am adopted. By faith. By the cross.
Let’s not mistake the pride or arrogance
of any present day pureblood
and keep our eyes fixed on Jesus
the one who sacrificed his blood
so we can fully belong.