We can’t say we don’t have time for connection, for conversations and to read worthwhile literature. 

We have conversations. We have connection. We pray at meal time and at bedtime. But we never read the Bible together. I take the kids to church to Sunday school to Christian school and to Christian camps. I take them to conferences where Christian values are shared. We have a lot of family friends who share our faith, our values and beliefs. And yet, all these are external factors. These are good but circumstantial. My own pursuit of god, my honest faith is what would influence my kids choice of belief. Influence not create or cause. My humility and honesty in showing the way.

The fear I experienced as a kid, my daughters’ ages, fear of irrational people, angry teachers, other dangerous adults, as my 6th sense would trigger my self protection, that pushed me to read more about god. I started reading the Bible in 7th grade. I got my own. Before then I would read the psalms at my grandmother’s house on those long winter nights. I didn’t understand much of the psalms. We always chose the shorter ones so we finish quicker. But that experience stuck with me. My grandmother would never be sad or upset when we read psalms. Not that she would often be, but I felt the mood lighter when the Bible was read. 

I hope my children will come to know God personally. It is not an easy path, this one of faith, but not knowing god is pure desperation and loss, unchecked fear and darkness. Hopelessness and emotional pain without relief. I keep building the foundation, and I have no regrets about what I have done so far, but I can’t rely on what has been said and done so far. The proper work is just beginning. Building the walls, building the roof. I hope to entrust more of the work to them, the interior decoration, and the joy of living in such a life they are building, but in the end I have no control over the enjoyment of their life. We make choices, teach them to choose wisely, and eventually let them step out in faith on their Ken feet. 

We do have time still. If we have time for boat games, to watch reruns, time for running outside hours on end, getting into trouble with neighbor kids, we have time to read the Bible. And time to pray. 

I have time to read and to pray. 

We are the sum of all the women who loved us, who prayed for us.