I’m home alone and I feel queazy. I’ve done it again. On a sensitive matter, I’ve expressed my point of view and got some backlash.
Now thinking back on the smoking tobacco matter (in our hallway, or unavoidably in our path to kindergarten, under our balconies) now it all seems silly and insignificant. Not so often anymore, but we still hold our breath, we close windows. Of course, those who didn’t but felt it was their duty to defend those who did, because they know personally someone that smokes. I appreciate the empathy, but it is misguided. But, life moves on.
Over the past decade, the same sex marriage gained momentum. I was in California the few times it was submitted to vote, but people were and remained divided 50/50. Now that I think back, nobody dared to bring up this topic in the workplace. We had many openly gay colleagues, they were always treated respectfully and they were great individuals. Nobody started their intro with their sexual orientation. It is just not polite. But it would come up. You wouldn’t be able to tell the difference between straight and gay. And we built a great respectful community.
I was raised to not discriminate. Just looking back I realize that. So for me it has always been easy to adapt in most circumstances and among any people. Somehow we gave an approachable vibe. And it was real and true.
I’ve attended a few talks on the matter and I left encouraged and clear-minded. I’ve listened to testimonies from gay people. I’ve always considered myself flexible and open. On many occasions I was the advocate for empathy, speaking from first hand experience, when it seemed that extremist opinions would surface among my untraveled christian friends. I think everyone needs to cool their engines. Things are not black or white, though that would appear to make things simple.
I’ve also never hidden my position on the matter. Though I would always sit lightly, no matter how much someone would push me to choose clear sides. What I find most damaging is when we forget to ask and try to understand: “what is it that you believe? Why do you believe that?” And have a back and forth dialogue. Open minded. Loving. Patient. For that, the written word is disastrous. It leaves room for interpretations, and we can always fill in the gaps the tone we think we hear, the missing information, past reactions from other people. Everything is incendiary. And it is downright scary.
I just read that there is nothing new under the sun. That’s what the wisest man on earth said in his Proverbs. But as I wrote these very words down I believe he was right. The fact that I haven’t experienced directly persecution, for believing what more and more a minority believes, that doesn’t mean my forefather weren’t persecuted for similar otherwise peaceful beliefs.
Anyhow, I know where most of my friends stand, be that closer or much farther than I. As I found myself out in the open, exposed in a sense, I felt the urge to do a little research to see if any of them my friends took a public stand on the matter. And I realize how discreet they are. The ones I admire and respect. I’m sure it is not out of fear. But just because the social media is not the avenue to promote or to create healthy dialogue. Facebook is an instigating platform. And I nearly fell in its trap. I didn’t delete my comment stating that my personal belief is that God intended marriage and the family to be formed by a man and a woman. I know my belief in not trendy right now, but my faith never was. How can my belief cause someone else so much grief or uproar?
If it wasn’t for our business page, I would have left Facebook. I also volunteered for an organization Ajungem mari to help kids from placement centers, and the mode of communication for them is through Facebook. If facebook fails, the internet disintegrates in Romania. Most communication and businesses rely way too much on it.
Based on the many stories I have heard personally, it is my understanding that many of these people have suffered some form of abuse. I don’t want to sound ignorant, as it is likely that there are people who have had perfect childhoods and still woke up one day confused about their sexuality. But some burry it so deeply down and cover it with other heavy experiences, that’s hard to distinguish what or when it all started. Based on that, I find it imperative to give these people help, support, show them love and empathy. I believe the worlds needs healing. And abuse in many forms happens every day, all around us. Going forward we need to stop allowing abuse to perpetuate.
An older friend who has listened to many stories shared by young adults in Romania, concluded that all the girls in romania have been sexually abused by a family member. I heard that and felt offended. But in truth, we can all speak only about our own selves and be sure of own personal story. Without realizing, voices from one side or another can come across as discrediting, hateful voices. That wouldn’t do anyone any good.
If I knew everything with clarity and without an ounce of doubt, I probably wouldn’t be just a mom in my early thirties, living fruitfully and simply in the heart of Transylvania. I would probably rule the world. I don’t know everything. We are all stumbling in the dark. And I wish these many adults knew that my belief is not meant to hurt them. Just like my daughter complains about taking a nap, or not letting her eat pounds of chocolate. For her, my serene decision not to give in, feels unloving. And yet, my conscience dictates otherwise. I love my friends, even those who have declared war against my belief. And I hope that the bridges between us are not forever burnt.