I don’t know if parents who give birth to their children ever worry that their kids don’t like them. But Jaclyn is a little person, independent from us, and we are still getting familiar with each other. As good parents we have to say no sometimes, and lately, as she pushes her boundaries (feeling safe and comfortable) we seem to have to say no more often.
This past weekend she was tired (you could see it in her eyes), and she indeed slept a lot, thank God! She still had an appetite during the feverish state, but did not want to eat much now that she feels better. She actually has one request: “chocolate!” We can’t give her chocolate every time she asks. So here are the things we started to be firm about: no or no-more iPad, no or no-more chocolate, no more playing because it’s time to sleep, time to eat, time to take a bath.
We are not the most popular when we have to be firm. She starts to pout or whine. Distracting her with alternatives works most often, but I prefer explaining to her why she can’t have everything she wants when she wants it. The whining started with the fever. And continues on and off. These days we had to work a lot, and Conrad and I took turns running errands into the city. At cafes doing deliveries, going food shopping, going to the bank (the personal and the business one) delivering goods to poor people in the village, girlfriend time for me or design events for Conrad.
Today she wanted to play but wanted me to be right NEXT to her, close enough for her to hold my hand with one hand, while playing “fruit ninja” with the other. Just like Rufus who likes to lean against me when he settles down. As close as possible. Full body weight.
Often we have to say “play with Rufus, or find a game you can play alone while I cook, or I clean the bathrooms, or the kitchen. She usually prefers to come and watch me work instead of playing alone. And she like to involve us in every game. While time permits, we give her everything in our power and reason.
With all the reasoning and rationale I sometimes worry that I am selfish. As I enjoy a bar of chocolate and a glass of wine at night with my husband, I worry that I acted selfish when she asked for chocolate before going to bed, and I said no. When she wanted to stay up late, but I put her to bed, so we could stay up late.
As she drops the iPad and I take it away for the rest of the day, she cries and pleads and whines, and I am unmovable, while reasoning with her, I don’t give in. I value greatly a parents’ ability to be fair and consistent. I am striving for that, though when emotions run rampant, and there is noise, and requests, and questions, dogs barking and chocolate cravings, trying to stay level and sane, fair and consistent takes practice.
Tomorrow morning we have a follow up visit of the social worker. Ironically two days ago she discovered the minions short movie “the home makeover” when the social worker comes to visit to see if the home is suitable for children. Mr. Gru’s home is a minefield, so the three adopted sisters and the minions rearrange the home in a hilarious way.
Two weeks have passed since the last social worker visit. This is our life these three months, until Jaclyn has the birth certificate reissued. I don’t mind the visits, but it is one more regular appointment I have to keep track of and be available for.
It is in a way cool to think back of the past two weeks and see how much she has grown and adapted further.