We had another good home visit with the social worker. And Jaclyn is at the snotty stage of her cold.
We met on Skype with family in California, and we wish we were there with them, celebrating, enjoying the warmth. It has been below freezing this whole month.
It is getting easier and easier to embrace Jaclyn in her whiny state, when she starts crying out of the blue because she wants chocolate or she doesn’t want to go to bed. I keep telling her that I love her no matter what, and I rationalize with her why she may feel upset.
Here is the other scary truth.
When I worry that someone doesn’t like me, in reality I worry that I myself don’t like them.
I have felt completely safe to tell Conrad early on: I love you but I don’t like you very much right now. So freeing to acknowledge that outloud. The sky didn’t fall on me as the words were uttered. But he is and was a big boy. We built our relationship on honest communication. We are equals in it.
So here it goes. I feared that it would cause a crack in the universe if at times I would feel that I don’t like Jackie.
In truth I would not like her actions or behavior, but still love her dearly.
So I told her the other day as she was throwing a temper tantrum, “I will love you forever, no matter what! …but I don’t like your attitude right now.”
She looked at me with a serous face, weighing my words.
She has such a lovely spirit. Goofy, smart, curious, brave… and I would love to see it flourish naturally, without bending it too much.
All in all, Jaclyn is so delightful!
The story she tells Rufus:
Once upon a time
There was your toy
(Shows toy)
And the big wolf got it in its mouth.
And passed by curious George.
Aaaand… the end!
(Kisses Rufus’s head)
Good night Rufus!