I had to disappoint a few people by refusing their request, challenging their expectations.
I am tempted to offer more explanations. I catch myself. If I don’t sound overly justified I keep the explanations. If I come across as whiny, or needy, or insecure, I delete my pleading for understanding.
Mostly because if I keep my refusals short, o don’t expect them to respond in kind, with words of understanding or absolution. I don’t think they are necessary or that I really need them.
It is a hard thing to choose to set boundaries, to say no when you always said yes. Occasionally i still fall into the da her zone of giving in without a fight. And I comply. It’s one thing to agree to do something which is a one time sacrifice, and another to sign up to serve another year on a committee or project that demands many more hours.
I am aware that this slight discomfort of disappointing others is a small price to pay. It’s a matter of perspective. One could almost get a thrill out of the shock of saying no to others. And the sweet fruit of freedom afterwards. Not having numerous responsibilities which don’t bring me joy.
I’d do hard things with glee because I would grow from learning new things. But now it’s just that my expertise makes easier the life of those delegating. I don’t want to fill in all the gaps. I can’t. I won’t.
So I started saying no. And I need a lot of practice. And I need to keep it simple. And honest. And let the chips fall where they may.