Sweet daughter

Today we learned about you
And our heart skipped a beat.

Mixed emotions
We hear how you were rescued
Scared and dirty

Will you be ours?
Would you join your sister
To share life and laughter and sorrow together?

We are Hopeful.
We got ourselves ready.
Re-evaluated and Re-certified
Walking on clouds
Anticipating the moment we’d meet you.

Three months went by
No word about how you are doing
Or where you are.

We’ve been praying for your safety and well being
And for God’s hand to cover you with His mighty love.

Wherever you are.

Your heart beats so close
I think I can hear it.

But I haven’t looked into your eyes yet
And you haven’t felt my gaze
Filled with love and hope for you.

It is harder than I thought
To know of you
And not know you yet

The liminal space is crushing

Another year has gone by.
You are not home yet.

Sleepless nights.
Fervent prayer soaked in hot tears
For your mind,
for your little body,
for your heart.

I pray that God would whisper His love to you.
I don’t know how. But I trust He does.

My heart is being worked on.
I am learning to let go.

After pushing doors open
And challenging the status quo
After declaring my heart
And persuading movement and change

I rest.

I must learn to rest in our Father as well.
Leave room for Him to move the mountains.

Not one hair moves
Without his knowledge

And yet,
I shall also be like the old widow
knocking at the judge’s door
Until he listens
And brings justice to your cause.

Do we know what’s best for you?
Will your adoption into our family
Be the best future for you?

I wrestled with the same thoughts,
When we adopted Jackie as well.

The truth is… only God knows
And He is able
To redeem
Your pain, our pain
And fill the empty space in our heart with your heart
And build you to be a world changer.
You were made in God’s image
With purpose and love.

May His will be done.
And may we understand it clearly.