“So, I want now for someone else to adopt me.” says J. as a matter of fact.
“Hmmmm… And who did you have in mind?” I ask intrigued, thinking that she may have given it some thought.
“I don’t know! Somebody! Maybe Melisuca (the other foster baby girl).”
“Well, she’s a baby. She can’t adopt you. But in reality, we are stuck with each other. There are no trades. We can’t give you back and you cant give us back. We are family forever. Plus, we come as a package deal with your grandparents from California and the ones downstairs and all the cousins.”
“Even Luca Paraschiv?” she asks taken aback.
“Yes. He is part of the family and he was our nephew first.”
“Hmmm. I guess I’ll stay.”
“I think that’s a good idea. I love you and I like having you as my daughter.”
We indulge the most ridiculous conversations. I love them actually. My girl processes things out loud and that gives me a window into her mind and heart. She is so easy these days and I savor every moment, as I guess there will come a time when she won’t feel like talking as much. Though I might be wrong. Maybe she will talk to us openly always. I sure hope so.
The funny thing is that her curiosity about being adopted by someone else comes after the best trip ever, California, where she had the dream childhood episode, with abundant play time and sun and attention, park and ice-cream, family time and lots of space. We might be wired to think there is something even better out there because we have is so good now.
Life has acquired this sense of smooth normality. The boring day-in and day-out. Adventure and change is always around the corner so we don’t pine for it.
We are far from perfect. Oh boy! But I don’t wonder anymore if someone else could be a better parent for J. I laugh when I realize over and over again that the most mature sides of me are due to the imperfections and rough sides of my family. I would urge every parent to not give a child a perfect childhood but an honest one, a daring one, where we all strive to better ourselves, with an earnest heart and courage and humility. Just yesterday I had to tell my daughter that I was wrong and to ask for her forgiveness. I don’t plan to overuse it. But slowing down and let go of myself to connect with her… I plan to do often.
I received conflicting information about the next steps to adopt. What to do next? What am I called to do? I have forgotten how deafening this silence is. God does not speak clearly to me. I feel nudges, I consult with Conrad, I feel the resistance from authorities… What should our next steps be? A week ago we were enjoying a feast with friends, and our oldest friend conformed one of Conrad’s beliefs: “God blesses whatever we choose and makes the best of it. We choose in earnest and tune in.” Conrad loves everything Sci-Fi and the idea of alternate universes. We laugh at how little events in our lives changed the course of our destiny many times over, in different seasons – me coming to Cluj for college, going to California with work and travel, him dropping everything and coming to Cluj to consult for a coffee shop, us meeting, and getting married, the jobs we held, the context and decision to adopt and then to move to Cluj. The timing of our certification and the specifics of our request to adopt matched us with J. Had we requested siblings as we had initially thought she wouldn’t have been matched with us. And so on. We are happy with every turn of events and take it in stride and make the best of it. Worrying about anything else is pointless.