Frazzled, back aching, socks wet, I attempt to dry the second kid after their evening bath. Determinedly silent, eyes on the finish line, I do my best. 

J breaks the silence with one of her raw questions: “on a scale from 1 to 10, how much do you like being a mom?” 

I never lie. Not to my kids. I sweeten the truth if I can, but I am committed to tell the truth because it’s the easiest and healthiest. 

• 5, I answer before I think it through. Like one of those speed tests where the first answer that comes to mind is the closest to reality. 
• Really? She asks. Followed by an almost uncomfortable silence. Then how much do you love us?
• 100% with all my heart! And I wouldn’t trade being your mom with anything right now, even when it’s hard or uncomfortable. 

The answer pleased her. As I said, we built a relationship of trust, and it’s better than any sugar coating. I find it hilarious that I am average in enjoying motherhood. 

I don’t know where other people tap into for exuberant wholehearted parenting, but these apparent contradicting feelings do exist in my heart. I am grateful and exhausted. I love m’y kids 100% and on a scale from 1 to 10 I enjoy being a mom only halfway. I’m an average 5. And by God’s grace, I do believe I’m a good enough mom, I do my best, I plant the truth in my daughters heart, I raise them well and may God forgive my recurring grumpiness.