Danger. I feel it so vividly. I believe my intuition is overly receptive. I’m an INTJ – borderline introvert, highly intuitive, and possibly I overthink things. Regarding intuition, often times, only in hindsight I connect the dots. But they always connect. When I sense the danger, I pray. I pray with all my strength.
I spoke up with reckless determination on a few occasions. And then I felt exposed. And lonely and in danger. Only God knows what He saved us from. As I was feeling so, I had a regional leaders conference call with the Romania With our Orphans Alliance – and seeing and hearing them, filled me with hope and courage. They feel as I do about adoption. And they have experience and knowledge of this field.
This question was also raised: “How can we help those around us?” with confidence and hope. Taking the focus off ourselves and onto what we can do for others, how could we serve… that’s the recipe for a light and joyous heart.
As a side note… How do you all feel about long distance relationships? I’m not too keen on them. And I know Conrad isn’t a big fan either. When we met in January and he proposed in March, we got married in May. He would have had to go back to California in May, but he forfeited his ticket. We were too poor to have a transatlantic relationship that could be sustained. So we decided to form an alliance of destinies, fortified by just our hardworking attitude, humble hearts and creative minds. It’s not a recipe. We didn’t follow in anyone’s steps when we signed up for this. We followed our hearts and tuned in to God’s calling. It was not easy but it was beautiful.
The same goes for our adoption stories. They are not easy but they are beautiful. And totally with it. We can’t tell anyone do this or do that. After the door closes behind you, you have to put up with your family and you have to dig deep to find your Source of true happiness. Marriage and kids are just variables to a joyous, fulfilled spirit.
These days, our youngest daughter seems to have had enough of this long distance relationship crap. The first two and the last two weeks are the hardest. The first week we were still in disbelief. We were fighting this reality of delay. Our arms still remembered her small frame snuggling warm. I cried my most heart-wrenching cries in the car those days, when we were still allowed to drive around, but not allowed to see her.
My heart aches for her disappointment, her frustration and worry. I wish we could all go to sleep for two weeks and wake up when it’s time to reunite. My heart’s prayer goes again to her, that God would keep her heart in His hand. Protect her. Breath courage into her small frame and patience till we see her soon.
These days I have been researching information for a grant, related to promoting children’s rights. That has been energizing and scary all at the same time, as I feel I’m in over my head. But I love it nonetheless.