As mom used to ask, “did you solve all the problems of the world?”
Today I clarified my own, or at least made a plan for them.
The breakdown of our time in California.
We arrived just before Christmas and every day was spent in joyous lazy celebration, with family, home cooked delicious meals, gifts and time around the tree or the fire place.
Right after I squeezed in all the meetings, connecting with a few former colleagues, managers, friends, business partners, cafés…
Then Coco and Livia arrived, and for two weeks the world stopped for us to have fun together and separately. The city, the ocean, the hikes, the meals, the shopping, the dinner and communions … as coco called it “the best vacation ever”.
During these two weeks I was a ship in passing at home, going with the flow, gone all day, most days. But we finally had days with nothing scheduled, spending it at home, regrouping, recuperating from all the chase of life. Digging deep and letting go, healing, crying and writing poetry. I had the best dinner conversations with mom and dad, our trysted sounding board, our best friends in many-many ways. Again went on walks with Conrad, cried with sobs, while being held tightly, like a reunion of sorts, at the corner of Dumbarton and Frobisher, in the dark. It was a holy moment.
I started to dread the going back to the same demands, responsibility and pace of life. But I finally realized (deep down) that I don’t have to go where I don’t want to.
My biggest burden was first acknowledged with mom at sushi. The pain got a name and then I could detach myself from it. Then I shared a poem with Elsie over red velvet coffee. A holy two-hours of friendship. I could see it clearly now, even before she mentioned it. What I must do. Some face to face conversations. God help us all!
So, I got a break.
I can think and feel clearly again. I am so thankful for this gift of freedom. It was necessary to have these nearly seven weeks here. Every week was another building block for something big, something lasting.
A few more days, of delighting in the last scrumptious crumbs of this never-ending feast.