If not me, then who?

I was born responsible. As the youngest child, that’s rather strange. Quite Unusual. 

On the other hand, I know I’ve been well cared for, because I know how to rest in the care of trustworthy people. I know what good leaders are, intuitively. 

So I speak up. Though I was the quietest kid throughout my childhood. Or I volunteer without premeditation. “If not me, then who?” This phrase has shaped who I am today. For better or worse. I’ve embraced it. 

When I confronted a teacher’s injustice: “if not me, then who?” I didn’t do it because I was more eloquent or more entitled to having a voice or a strong opinion. 

“If God is with me, who can stand against me?” – I did not fight for selfish reasons. And that gave me leverage. 

I struggled with the Romanian system these past five years. “If not me, then who?” Not every daring action paid off. I’ve returned bruised and battered in spirit. Other times I was pleasantly surprised to see results, to find people who listened. To see faith in action. 

This sense of responsibility can be overwhelming when feeling lonely. Or when I do t know who I can trust. Who can support me? Who can I rely on? Who is on my side?

Becoming suspicious of everyone’s commitment or leadership, because they failed me one too many times, because they didn’t communicate well enough, because they acted in questionable ways… eventually you let go of expectations all together. And realize that God is the only One left. Had He not been my ultimate choice, but the first, I would have had to go from disappointment to disappointment. 

Moved by intense emotions, I spoke up. On many occasions. 

Is it my responsibility to address the leaders of our society? 

How can I be effective and collected?

Getting started motivated by emotions is good so long as waiting for the results are not burdened by emotions. 

God’s is the answer. Mine is the submission and listening to His calling. Responding faithfully. 

It’s not my responsibility to change anyone. Except my own heart. 

“You hear my call, good and faithful servant. You are never alone. I am always with you. Rest under My wing. And take heart.”