A few years ago I was left hurt and confused by a friend’s constant cancellation of plans last minute.
At some point I reached out to a mutual friend considering an intervention to help her gain perspective and support for a better work life balance.
It’s been tried. I was not the only one worried at the time.
I have considered the alternative idea that I’m not as important on her friends list. This friendship has made me feel uncertain of my place and worth and value. But I pushed through and filled my cup elsewhere, and waited for life to settle.
I have considered saying something more blunt. Or pursue a frank conversation about where we stand.
Time had passed. We stopped trying to meet. I forgot how hurtful it is to be cancelled last minute or be told 9 out of 10 attempts that she is not available.
I have wondered if I’ve offended her somehow. Or I’m not up to par with her expectations. But Maybe we just don’t click. Maybe we never clicked and we were kept together by the glue of a mutual friendship. We are different in temperament and expectations. We value different things maybe. Either way, I haven’t felt prioritized or sought or seen.
On the other hand, I don’t go out of my way to do stuff for people. For her. She is very independent. It’s part of her story I guess. I wonder what she values in a friendship. I frankly don’t know.
But we don’t seem to be on the same page. And as of late, I get the feeling that my kids are not welcome. Sure, parents complain about the exhaustion of parenting, it’s our prerogative. But when other kids are not excluded but mine are, I feel personally hurt.
Recently my friend got married and said she wants nobody present for the civil ceremony, except for the godparents. I had no idea when the civil ceremony was scheduled, but last week pictures started popping up everywhere of her wedding, and all our friends were there. And I wasn’t.
As an introvert I am glad to not be invited many places. And maybe it would have been quite the effort to pull ourselves together for the civil ceremony event. But I’m left with a sour taste in my mouth for this friendship which is one-sided or misunderstood or dried out.
As I share my heart with my husband he tells me I’m not crazy. Validating my hurt. But encouraging me to not dwell on it.
The ebb and flow of life. Letting friendships go, praying for them to free them truly and free my heart as well.