The hormonal storm calmed down after his youth camp. Maybe the spiritual experience was that good. She waited patiently for his calmer seas. She wasn’t put off, but she observed with curiosity this whole process and soaked it all up. He was madly in love. She happily accepted & relished in his infatuation.
Yesterday evening they had a serious conversation about what is next. “Is it normal my heart doesnt race just as fast when we meet, when I see you?” He asks. She responded surprisingly good “maybe we reached a level of comfort and safety with each other.” He accepted this answer with relief. But they both live through this in their own way, honest & raw, but at this age their metal desire for commitment doesn’t match their age & ability to make grand promises. He told her she is the one forever. She smiled at his enthusiasm but had a hard time believing one can make such promises yet. She was wise and she didn’t go down in the pit of love, just because he was there, but she didn’t leave him either. As a mom of girls, I saw this then and now, her clarity & kindness were her saving grace so far. I don’t think her cool head is what dried up his infatuation. It would have run its course anyway. But all she did was keep the course steady and see clearly the path.
She lived intense enough, even though he lived even more so. She put her head on his shoulder and each validated for the other the deep question of the heart: am I lovable? Am I good enough? They raised the bar high for each other, in communication, fairness, honesty, fun and intrigue, independence and exploration, availability. They are both cool and I am afraid they would stay longer in the relationship than their feelings for each other because they like each other as people in the larger context of life. She was concerned that everything they said about other teenagers who break up early when there infatuation dissipates, now it happens to them. At least they are on the same page. If it’s mutual, I say they can break up in friendly terms and leave room for deeper friendship when they grow up a bit.
I walked alongside her and it was emotionally exhausting at times for me, more than for her. She processed out loud her experience and asked me a lot of questions about my dating (I have very little experience at her age) but then about my relationship with Conrad and however we fell in love and stayed in love. We met as adults but I love that she wants to know and compare and contrast her own experience. Some things are not that different. Others obviously are, like the readiness to commit for life and the ability to do something about it.
I may jump to conclusions, they may not break up yet. Because they’ve treated each other with respect, and this lull in infatuation, physical attraction, they are waiting it out and giving It a chance to know each other more, further still. I hope they don’t remain a couple just out of fear of breaking up, or that it will be awkward being neighbors and all.
I am proud of their accomplishment as teens, in reaching out bravely, in speaking up, in trying things… I think it will shape their future relationships through caution or being more reserved if needed, but brave as well. They both shared their first kiss, and it was more out of curiosity than burning desire.
We waited to get too close to his family to not make it awkward when they break up. But also have some presence and affirmed awareness. Both teens cringed when that possibility of their breakup was mentioned.
Now I still want to know the parents. Probably more now that the pressure of the teens relationship is off the table. We are still cool, they are still cool. And the respect that transpired throughout this year was a good foundations. I feel like things are going back to normal, back to having kids in the house, though j said she feels more mature and more responsible now that she had been in love. We’ll see. I think she relishes in being a kid sometimes still, worry free, protected, at home safe and sound.