Every day is good and hard

She had a happy cheerful day today. We had visitors for pancakes. Visitors with kids. Friends well loved by both girls.

We also had our visit from the State adoption agency. It was peaceful and friendly and low key. The same social worker evaluated us after we adopted Jaclyn. Ivy was a little more apprehensive. Reserved. Jackie spoke clearly and confidently, though with a little attitude in her voice. It was actually fun to realize that Jackie has been in our family for nearly four years. Observing her development over such a long period of time is a treat for our social worker. Jackie was Ivy’s age when our social worker first came into our home. 

We as a family hiked in the woods after lunch and after Ivy’s nap. The morning was overly social. I could read it into my girls standoffish mood. The hike was long, muddy but the attitude and stamina of the girls was fantastic, and the evening was silly and fun.

As we returned from trampling the muddy trail, we got home and realized there is no water. The electricity has been going on and off every hour in the last few days. Probably due to the storms and floods. It’s a strange month of June, I’ll say. 

We managed to wash and brush and eat cold cream of carrot soup. As I put the girls to bed, they played and were goofy still. I read to them the story about the bunny who wanted to run away from home.

So, teeth were brushed, pajamas were on. I was singing a few songs, per Ivy’s requests. And my singing seems to be causing her a certain dose of melancholy. She started crying again. She she briefly did last night when she was overly tired. She says she wants to go back. Nothing unusual. I’m glad I’m better prepared this time around. I empathize and my heart ached. Now I keep steady and calm and I reassure her of our love and I explain to her what is going on. Again and again. Mind you she is just over three years old. I tell her that this is her home. That we adopted her, just as we adopted Jackie a few years back. That we prayed for her, that God would protect her and keep her safe and well loved. I told her that her foster mom was an answer to our prayers. That the foster mom has taken care of many kids like that and she will take care of other kids who need a safe and loving home until they are adopted. She listened attentively. The first time I told her we adopted her and this is her forever home, in these few plain words, was yesterday, a week after she moved in with us.

For the past three months of matching she talked about us as her parents, and her sister and her home in Cluj, her dog, her bed her toys. Today she was making plans about Christmas in our home and she asked me if Santa knows to come to Cluj to bring her gifts as well.

Jackie was stomping joyously her muddy galoshes and said: “I have an idea… There is no Santa, It’s just mom and dad who bring us the gifts…” I asked her to let Ivy have at least one childlike Christmas, but it went over her head. She is so mature sometimes, and other times she doesn’t realize she spills the beans big time.

Because we are strong believers in telling the truth, her transparency was endearing and reliable. I wonder how ew could train into her a little reservation in exposing all secrets, surprises or personal business.  

Back to Ivy. While she feels safe and has a lot of fun with us, when she says she wants to go back, I look at our life and wonder what else could we offer to make it more appealing, better, worth the trouble. And frankly, other than my own heart and faith, nothing is relevant. Remembering that she is not ours, but God’s, that we are her guide and protector for a while, that we are rewarded every day, with her company, for all our efforts in parenting her well… the rest is not up to us not even up to her. We only have right now. And God is in control. 

PS. Both girls need prayer for their bone structure and strength. Due to their first years of undernourishment and exposure, their spine and ribcage are challenged. Vitamin D, Magnesium, Iron deficit… Luckily, a good diet, exercise, time spent in nature, these are a package deal with us.