My Father,
I read Your words 
and they soothe me.
I wake up early and
I draw near to You.
I go to sleep late,
And my head rests on Your chest.

During my waking hours,
I take Your hand. I hold it tight. 
And follow You, with small steps. 

I am weary. And I am afraid. 
Furry and disappointment 
Discouragement and distress. 
How can the system not see what I see?
The social workers have been facilitating adoptions
for over two decades.
Why do I have to speak up,
And get barked at for my “disobedience”?
Disturbing the peace, 
And the process.

It took the pandemic to makes the System realize
The process is dated.
But there is hope for digitalization,
access to information, progress.
What they said: “it is set in stone”
It seems able to adapt now.

I am a thorn in their side.
Why did o have to be so outspoken?
And why do I feel like I burnt bridges?
Did I misunderstand your calling God?
Did I act on my own?

Trembling, I lay at Your feet
And wait for Your judgement.

But then I remember Your walk on earth
Not so smooth then either
They wanted to stone you,
to push you over the edge;
You inconvenienced them
over and over again.
They tried to trick you,
But they only succeeded to accomplish 
Was what the Father allowed them 
And by doing so,
You redeemed the World. 

My Father, 
Your correction is soothing, 
Your boundaries are good.
I have felt Your presence
I have known you here.  
during this time of despair of separation. 
Not long now though. 
You have set a date. 
You have paved the way
The mountains are crushed 
and a path is smooth 
The iron doors are unlocked 
Ready to open and let us through. 

Our daughter is nearly home.

The tears of longing of one
Shall be replaced 
by the tears of cleaving of another. 
But these tears we are ready to receive
To baptize us in the fire of rebirth.

Prepare our hearts   
To leave and cleave
Soothe the hearts and minds of our children 
Fill them with hope and grace.
Then pour abundant peace in our household 
Be ever so present 

Like these months You’ve walked with us 
through darkness and unknown
Allow the seeds to germinate and spring forth to light 
Built from within the pain and loneliness and darkness 
As You shine the light on us
Soak us in the warmth and light 
Our roots ever so deep
Our branches taller every year
Lifting up praises to You
Taller than the margins of the land
So they can be seen
And the people will know
That You created them and us
This grafted magnificent tree 
Unusual, lush, strong
Hiding in plain sight many wounds 
Wounds of cleaving 
Wounds of grafting 
Wounds of grace.