We move forward with hope

I knew my view is skewed, but I couldn’t quite straighten it. In the midst of tension and hardship, we can’t pull ourselves by the bootstraps. We need help. 

I worried about a lot of things. That my daughter will suffer unnecessarily, that there will be irreparable damage, of lost faith, lost hope, lost trust. 

But all the adults came together and we intuitively did the best we knew. The best we could. And we prayed and hoped. God did the heavy lifting. 

The psychological pressure of not knowing, not having a timeline, the undefined wait… those were our heaviest burdens. As my dad used to say: “put the burden down and do two trips if it’s too heavy.” Or “put the burden down and rest a while.” 

We met our case manager and psychologist and had our last meeting before the file is sent to the judge. In everyone’s view, our adoption was clear. Clear as day that we were fit and meant But the procedure needed to be followed. A meeting, a discussion, a date, and a signature. The file moves forward and we await the judge’s decision.

I don’t care to be right. I don’t have any stubborn pride. For the greater good, I’m embracing penitence. As none of us is without fault. 

Together we’ve reached the finish line of these meetings. I had a lot of thinking time. And I burnt away the pride, stubbornness, impatience. God is the one giving all good gifts. In His good timing. 

We cleared the air, just like the earth cleared and healed during the lock down these past two months. I am hopeful and trusting like a well loved child. I took to heart what God says about inheriting the kingdom of heaven – if we are like children, we will see His glory. 

Today Jackie and I danced a silly dance for joy while babysitting our neighbor Grace. I hear my laughter and I am starting to remember, to recognize the lightness of heart. Even our relationship with Jackie is smoother because we feel joy. The progress in our adoption journey.