We walk to the funky shaped rooftop building – The dentist office. We arrive 5 minutes early, as usual.

Ivy is a chipper as ever. How wonderful for a follow up dentist appointment. Little did I know…

Ivy had a black hole of premolar. Ever growing. All that Nutella for breakfast or desert after dinner. Right on time for not bushing her teeth.

This time we decided to pay triple for the cavity, in hopes of it being less traumatic. A new technology. Laser teeth cleaning. Except the laser, as I found out, is a light that pops like a loud pop tart while painlessly cleaning the tooth. Ivy got scared and started crying and squirming in my arms getting both to sweat. It’s the month of July also.

The doctor asked ivy if she hurts. Ivy said yes. “What hurts?” The doctor asks puzzled. To which she replies: “my head!”

The loud noise caused more havoc than the classic drilling. Oh well…

She was brave enough. And given the lack of bedside manner compared to her other dentist, ivy did just fine. The tooth is not fully cleaned and definitely sealed. We’ll go again in two weeks.

I’m exhausted. It’s a marathon of the heart. Of the mind and of my body as well. I empathize wholeheartedly with my girls. I’m right there with them. While keeping it together, with confidence and calm.

Ivy though, she reminds me of myself. Self sufficient, pain resilient, happy. We bond in such painful situations. I was telling conrad how strange I find her expression of love and gratitude when I held her in my arms as she endured the teeth cleaning pain. Conrad said it was not as much my association with pain, as it was my being there for her, with her, holding her in my arms.

We stoped at the grocery store which is a treat in itself for my 3 year old whose conscious life so far has been abandonment, hunger, danger, strangers and change and then the pandemic.

She was beyond excited in the store. I marveled at her. I asked her: “who is so happy?” She said: “me!” I asked her why. And she responded: “I’m happy because of you!” What a wonderful, crazy world I live in. Grateful for her heart, her life, her presence in our lives.