Why do I share such vulnerable thoughts?
Because as time passes, and I read back, the raw experiences are most treasured.
I stopped for a while in my tracks. I’m not one to use irony or sarcasm to communicate. Though irony is cool, funny and clever, my mother extirpated the “humorous gland” as she found it borderline hurtful. “Say what you mean” she used to say often.
So here I am, pondering. And as all good sense of patience turns me to prayer, I progressed further more from irritation to the aforementioned deep sense of sadness, and then to prayer.
Prayer for open eyes to see. For understanding. And for my oldest friends.
A group setting is safe and balanced. But it occurs to me that it also provides a good hiding context. One never has to carry the full weight of vulnerability and accountability because many shoulders carry it all together.
But there comes a time when we don’t feel courageous enough to bring up heavy or painful happening. So we learn to stay at the surface, to splash at the shore, instead of diving deep.
We are so busy keeping our pain to ourselves that we don’t have room to carry other’s burdens, as in quietly listen, empathize, forget ourselves. Vulnerability is costly, exhausting, and we often see keeping it shut as a gift of protection for others.
We also have many relationships one on one, which happen smoothly, easily, even with those notoriously unavailable.
So why as a group we dread coming together? In truth we start to sort through what we share and what not. We compare the levels of intimacy between members of the group. And together we actually stop being ourselves in the end.
We don’t have the practice of culture to be vulnerable and to share with people we know. It’s easier to talk to strangers or foreigners. We don’t even know to articulate our emotions, our thoughts, and it starts in childhood. Because it’s not a learned skill. And often. As we dump everything on the table, we feel like crap, vulnerable. And then there is the awkward silence. We don’t know what to do next. So then we stop seeing each other. We don’t want to be judged or told what to do either. The vicious cycle of isolation in a community is all too common.
Yet…
Sharing, letting yourself be know, loved and accepted, is the flip coin of being trusted enough to hear one’s heart.
Sharing is therapeutic in itself, to all parties involved. Gal 6:2 “Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.”