Beauty in the storm clouds

The silver lining. I love the silver lining.

As I sense a wave of embracing the present all around me, that sweet acceptance that allows the mind to clear. Although not much has changed yet, in our current situation, I find this worldwide quarantine to be an excellent experiment of the mind, an X-ray of the soul.

We’ve introspected a lot. And after a decade of busy work, this general time of introspection, though it may have looked a bit selfish from afar, I believe it’s an excellent ground work for rebuilding.

And yet, yesterday was hard, out of the blue. Our connection with the outside world is driven by our heart’s calling to see our youngest daughter, albeit through the small camera of our iPhones.

The liminal space of adoption. We are in the doorway. But still in the hallway. Evelyn nearly burst into tears. She had a hard time looking at us. her bottom lip quivering. She is not demanding. Not as vocal as we’ve gotten used to, with Jackie. But she asked us to go to her. And I nearly lost it – I felt all her sadness and we sat there, silent for a moment, sharing it.

But this time I brought myself back into the present. I felt all the sadness. But I also felt peace. I briefly ponder the past, and I am encouraged by the future, but all I have right now is the present moment. And limiting as it is, the FaceTime calls don’t drain or strain me anymore. They are what they are – a gift of connection.

Yesterday I reached out to the president of Romania to address the suspension of the adoption process – the social services and the court of law. These don’t involve large gatherings, but it requires decision making and stamping or signing off on some files.

Every state department looks to the President for guidance. Especially given our state of emergency during a worldwide pandemic. Which is good in a sense – seeing that he is the president of our country, a balanced man of integrity, and not a typical extrovert. On the contrary.

In a world of grief, once we all give in to God’s will, and his Power, accept His love, despite the discomfort we endure in different ways. Confess. Confess our self-centeredness, selfishness, obsession with control, envy, gluttony, fear, frustration… oh nobody is without sin. And sin is not something we discuss from a high-horse. It’s pervasive and it’s all around us and in us. Only God can make us holy in Him and through Him.

I realize my mind runs a familiar discourse, a vision that to me is pretty clear. Especially once I put my old self to rest. And I open my eyes. I wish I could impart this gift to any and all. But everyone must decide for themselves how they want to live the present moment – in His presence or tormented otherwise anywhere else but in His presence. I finally got a glimpse of understanding how God is atemporal.