We are so used to our own journey, that we forget how unusual it can seem at a glance. We processed emotions and decisions in their due time, and filed them away.
I went back and read some of our blog posts from the beginning; it is cool to evaluate things in hindsight.
Adoption first came up as an option when we found out we can’t have kids. We were both devastated. But we didn’t want to choose adoption out of need. We wanted it to be fueled by something else bigger than us. If at all. So we waited. We waited to heal. Emotionally, physically… I will make a note here. There are many couples who can’t have kids. Blame shifting is unloving and unhealthy. Even when you don’t use words, you just dwell on it. Especially since one didn’t cause the infertility. And together you are one body through marriage. My two cents.
As we evaluated the adoption option… Both of us working a lot every day, every week, we didn’t seem to be in the right place to adopt. An adopted child needs time with the parents to connect, to build a relationship. You can’t just adopt a child and then send him to daycare all day.
My one big fear was that, as a teenager, our adopted child would yell in my face that I am not his/her mother, just because I would disagree with them. Resolution: talk openly about adoption.
Conrad’s fear, as I recall it, was love related. Will we be able to fully and wholeheartedly love a child that doesn’t mirror us genetically? But before we even met Jaclyn, we knew we would learn to love her. Whoever she was. The moment I saw her picture or even met her face to face, I didn’t feel instant love. But somewhere along the way, the books I read, the classes I attended, prepared me for this season of blank awe. But I knew I shall love her, and I won’t be able to imagine life without her after a while.
Another big roadblock was the wait time, the bureaucracy, the complete lack of control over what was next. We knocked at doors, we asked questions, we processed information. No matter how much I would like to summarize for you in a neat paragraph the journey of adoption, I wouldn’t do it justice. Adopting is a personal journey as well, that teaches you about selflessness, and about deciding to love with commitment and determination through thick and thin. From the moment you begin in earnest the paperwork to adopt, a year goes by until you actually adopt. It’s a cycle of fast-fast, slow-slow, take a deep breath and continue to live in the present and love your spouse.
Today we told Jaclyn that we love her. It just burst out. “Mommy and daddy love you!” She blossoms under our eyes. She is a delightful child, through the constant attempts to push her limits and see how far she can go with getting what she wants. I like her self-confidence and the ability to clearly define her boundaries with ease. Today she turned 3. And we love her dearly.