My kids prefer my company and input, even though I believe I’m more strict & not as fun as my husband.
Generally, women are social accommodators. We read tones, read between the lines, pay attention to subtle words or moods… and answer the real questions. We keep the peace and meet the kids where they are.
Dads challenge the kids to speak up, own the space, advocate for themselves, so they are not as comfortable to them or cozy as moms.
I see the need for dads greatly.
I envy their role sometimes.
I feel they set easy boundaries and clear expectations. When I ask Conrad he says it’s not easy to be direct. He chooses his words carefully too. But to me he seems so nonchalant and direct while I fret over how my message is received.
Well , here’s the reality. I’m tired. I don’t want to fix everything or catch every ball or clean every mess. I want to own my space and live my life without resentment. As I write this I realize I sound selfish or entitled. But as I’ve survived a bitter burnout, living a bitter life of resentment is not very appealing or healthy.
It’s incredible difficult to continue to say no, to say I can’t, “to put it on them” – today I told the girls i need them to leave the kitchen tidy as they find it. I’m tired of being the one cleaning after them. Ivy said to ask dad to clean as well. Clever and quick. But that is not the long term aim.
Without saying anything but not rushing to clean up, he tidied up the kitchen before going to bed. Sometimes the kitchen is smelly and dirty in the morning but he’s the one to find it when he comes down to make coffee. And he cleans without complaint.
It will take me a while to recover from a summer of guests and conferences where we did our own dishes. I am human. And I can’t wait for more opportunities to practice my saying no.
It is in my nature to accommodate. I hope my daughters will learn the balance of a bit of accommodating. But also to be asertive in a respecting of self & others manner.