It has begun. A few weeks ago I wasn’t feeling ready for the busy social calendar. But now I do. I decided to keep on fewer regular weekly meetings. The decision was hard but I don’t regret it. It has been a great, lively, adventurous, busy, hard-working, diversity filled, marathon-like year. We would finish one thing but sign up for two more in return.
It’s a foggy Monday morning. We woke up early to skype with mom and dad, though we went to bed at 1 AM, after celebrating in style, fashion and laughter, Aluna’s 24th birthday. Conrad went to have coffee with Zoli. I admire his capacity and drive to be social. He delights in everything he does, and he wouldn’t never do something he doesn’t want to do. It’s a double edge sword, as at times I had to rationalize wit compelling arguments the necessity for an adult to do things an adult might not like/want to do, but it is necessary. So far so good.
I am relishing in this morning home alone. Rufus is sleeping, dreaming twitching next to me. We had the opportunity to spend time with him these first months, and he has turned out to be a very well behaved, smart, funny yet obedient puppy. And though Conrad has more energy to play with him, his love and loyalty and stubbornness is making us stop and play are a gift.
Monday nights are dedicated to our young women study. Wednesday nights are dedicated to couples fellowship. The Psalms women meet more randomly. But now I have more time for other impromptu long meeting, like this Sunday with Oana and Rebe.
I am half way though a third book this fall. It is the memories of fifteen years in prison of a young christian, Tertulian Langa. Different style but similar to my favorite book written by Nicolae Steinhardt. It is a hard book to read, hard as is heavy reality, but the darkness is describes is wrapped in grace. It gives me perspective. It frees me of myself.
I often thought it is rather morbid to even bring this up, but the finality of life, death, is not scary. I think of death. At different milestones in my life I think of all the things I had the opportunity to do, live, feel, pursue my dreams, say what I need to say, do what I need to do, and I am reconciled. Live this life as a gift, as if it wasn’t mine to begin with. It is freeing and peaceful. Surprisingly, it doesn’t interfere with making long term plans. We hold all plans lightly. And I keep remembering the life in California. The security of the routine, especially given by a job that I liked, the familiarity (which in a way could not and would not have been permanent), being left alone by society, no high demands, blending in… in exchange for this wonderful, life-giving live-sucking adventure. I have began to anticipate some of the annoying things that happen in the day to day life, and the predictability of small and large annoyances is disturbing. I ought to backpedal out of some. Others, I ought to avoid all together, and other I ought to confront. We can’t stay still. That is not an option, and I can’t help but see the small or big pains as a way for life to progress.
As we prepare for Christmas in California, we are assessing how many projects do we want to start before we leave. Though we’ve traveled much this year, we have always had small and big things running in parallel, never taking a true mental vacation. I am starting to think that working for a big well organized company was the time when we could disconnect completely when going on vacation.
