Poems and superscripts

Since Brian and the team came to Romania, I have a renewed heart and taste for poetry. It is probably my favorite way to express myself. I realize how important it is to have the superscript, but the idea of saying a lot with few words is very appealing to me.

After a lovely weekend with the psalm girls at the spa, celebrating friendship and Livia’s birthday, I wrote a poem about it:

Ne-am oprit din alergare.
Cu anticipare, cu inima strânsă, așteptând neașteptatul,
Cu recunoștință si uimire.

Ascultam fără graba
Si bineprimim poveștile noastre
Fără o urma de suspiciune sau îngrijorare.

Un colț de cer
Nu doar îngăduit
Ci dăruit din abundență.

Căldură până in măduva oaselor
Aburi si mirodenii
Un sentiment de plutire,
Inimi clocotind de bucurie
Cafea și Baileys in moose de chez Coco
Beciul domnesc demidulce,
Traversat autostrada săltat
Apoi papile gustative răsfățate exotic.
Veselie in lift.

Un colț de rai.
Doamne, nu meritam generozitatea iubirii tale,
Dar primim cu bucurie
Binecuvântarea ta peste noi.

Nu lasă ispitele întoarcerii la realitate
Sa ne umbrească bucuria in Tine
Si adevarul ca tu ai inventat prietenia, odihna si Spa-urile.

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The heavenly weekend came to a stop on Sunday at noon. And I felt so conflicted about where to go to church in the evening. That is a whole another hard topic for me. But we decided to accept an invitation and go together to a Baptist church and hear a Romanian missionary in Afghanistan share about his last 20 years of life. He is now the director of a hospital there, and his wife opened a kindergarten.

We heard a man’s life story
And his heart for God.
It filled me.
With hope, joy, encouragement
Determination, inspiration, admiration.

I want to live on fire for God
And stop negotiating, pampering
The smallness of our neediness and ego

Church and the feeling of guilt
Go hand in hand
Here, in OD
Loyalty and honor
The spoken and unspoken expectations
To remain loyal to a …name.

It is so hard
To do and be
When out of respect
We reassess and review
Justify and diplomatically persuade
For the smallest actions;

I keep thinking
That we waste precious energy
And faith and vision
Falling in the trap
Of worry about our stubborn leaders
Who can’t embrace their brokenness
Can’t understand
How to have a humble heart
It’s a negotiated concept
But if I tell you you hurt me
And you try to convince me that you don’t
Who is right?
This is not negotiable.

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With the beginning of the fall season, we started our regular fellowship meetings.

With the women we started studying the women in Jacob’s life, starting with his mom, Rebecca. (The coed group is studying Jacob) Carmen and I talked about courtship, and I was so impressed with how honest and eloquent the girls were on this topic (the stuffed down yearning to be sought after and the pressure from family, church and society). We are created in God’s image. He has been and is pursuing us, and we are called to do the same for Him. Also, The meeting at the fountain is the mirrored courtship of a most desirable woman Rebecca (beautiful, hardworking, of good family), in contrast with the woman from Samaria, whom Jesus purposefully waits for and redeems.

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And with the couples we met the third time, and it’s only getting better, though I’m always nervous that I will forget my train of thought as we start talking. Good things come up, and I love how the couples teach each other, though kind but firm and biblical truths or personal stories.

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I dreamt that it was raining, and I was drenched and crying, and shared with eloquence the complexity of my feelings of pain and frustration without holding back. I woke up this morning feeling light and at peace regarding this one subject that has been burdening me greatly the past two months. The circumstances haven’t changed, but my heart has.

Family
An area of pride for any
Valid and justified.
We want to present our best.
I am tempted to jump the gun
Do quickly anything necessary
To cover it up. To make up.
But something holds me still.
Trying to discern,
to taste the pain as it morphs
And let the prayer sync in
Slowly, steady, with deep awareness
As a journey
Trust the Lord
And Have no control over the outcome
Is this wisdom or madness?
Search my heart o Lord!