Certificate in hand, we are now endorsed to adopt again. Starting on the recertification journey was daunting. And yet here we are, more certain of the path; having a clear direction is a gift in itself.
We had a rollercoaster decision process. We were also thought to be (unwillingly) put at the front of the line for the matching (with any adoptable child). But the first certification already fulfilled its purpose with J, so we are getting back in line properly, just as we hoped for. Colibry is not certified adoptable yet, not for many months to come. The upside is that we have priority in adopting her.
We got one last reality check. We were told it is going to be excruciating, adding a family member as a toddler, having an older child who went through the (similar) journey and trauma of adoption, reactivating maybe fears, and having to share in earnest the full attention and dedication our eldest has enjoyed thus far from us.
We are more familiar, on the receiving end, with the pessimistic low-expectations, free advice approach. We take it at face value and pray that in our older age we don’t get cocky about our good sense of “different”. We were met with most pessimistic life advice when we got married, when we decided to adopt, when we decided to move to Romania… but as life would happen, our sense of success or fulfillment and perspective in life is just different – not wrong, just different – and so far it has served us well. One would say that in this latest challenge, our perspective and personal journey are different than our daughter’s …but belief is contagious and we believe that the challenges met by her at this young age, of inevitably re-processing the pains of what adoption means or looks like, it will be a stepping stone for when we or she will unearth again and again the story, to help heal and understand the sorrow and gift of adoption. Right now she has a very idyllic perspective about being adopted. We talk often about it and she fills in the gaps as we go along.
After a mini honeymoon with my best buddy, in Florence, today my girl and I embark on a beautiful adventure in the south of France. Is a girls-only trip. Her little friend Iris is joining us with her mom, my closet, oldest group of adult friends. The trip of a lifetime, as I see it.
Conrad is happy to have time alone, hiking in the woods, going to “the Rest” a piece of wooded land we bought in the Apuseni mountains. Time away is beautiful and healthy, and we have so little of it, but I the ebb ad flow of life as healthy as the movement of currents in the ocean. They bring life, freshness, newness.
I’ve embrace the current state of tings, the fact that we have to wait and it is not in our power to force God’s or anybody’s hand. Some phases need to be given their due diligence, so they wouldn’t hunt us in the future. I’m only sad at the thought that we will spend Christmas not with our little Colibry (before we met J she was our little Edelweiss). I foresee that to be a heartache. But it may make the long awaited reunion that much sweeter and committed. In God we trust. And given the alternatives, if you the reader are a believer or not, the truth is: I wouldn’t trade my faith, the grounded spirit and sense of peace for any silly self-sufficiency or belief in nothingness.