Don’t let the sun set over your anger. The trick is then to start early. 

For the first time, I’m not talking about a quarrel with my spouse. But my kids. 

I did some translation work in the morning. It’s fall vacation and the weather is just great. I seng them to tidy up their room. They’ve done it well recently. We’ve cleaned up they’d room together many times. So they knew the drill and the expectations. 

I heard them play, craft, fight and make up. At 11 we were ready to go up to the garden and start a fire to have a bbq. It was Friday and they were excited about it. 

They were wearing city clothes, not garden (get smoked and dirty clothes) Jackie broke her jacket zipper and then when I went to get something from their room I lost it. Unfiltered frustration. Their bed cover was tangled with clothes, and Lego’s, and doll house stuff, there were stuffed toys and paper cut outs and other strange messy crafts. “What is this?” I ask. Both looked at me like deer in the headlights. I yelled. Ivy cried. Both got a timeout while I packed all their disarrayed toys. I made the bed. Took all the clothes that were spread out and put in a large trash bag. I threw out all the old loose papers. And tried to calm my heart rate.

I had to take some calls on the porch. And ivy locked me out. Then as she opened for me she said: “I didn’t lock you out”. Ivy got an extra consequence for lying on top of locking me out. And I told them we’ll work through all the disobedience all day. I have time and I’m determined to clean house. 

They were both upset with me. Conrad cancelled the bbq. I felt angry. I cleaned the house with a storm. Changed the bedsheets and did laundry. 

The girls played some more. Half way through the day they asked me if I’ll ever forgive them. I told them there is always grace and forgiveness but they didn’t ask for it. They both apologized and vomited to behave for the rest of the day. Which they did. But I realize my frustration made space for them to think on it, reflect on their actions and how we got to that point. 

And that was good. Trying to smooth things over to fast due to my guilt or discomfort with unhappy feelings, it can ruin the lesson.  

The next day as I asked them to tidy the room (mainly Jackie’s desk) she took longer than it needed cause she got distracted with the old craft papers. But she finished. 

Follow through. Obedience. Tidiness. Cooperation. Truthfulness. Trust. Respect. Timeliness. Ah… the lesson my kids learn are painfully slow at times. But they are necessary. They push back. And I push forward.