“Coasting the average life. Made comfortable by the parents.” We function motivated by our own experiences and often times we overcompensate.
I usually lay down the facts in front of us. Without judgement. Without trying to manipulate emotionally.
– This is how the world was when I was a teen. This is how I adapted to it. This is how it is today. These are my observations and if you want, my recommendations.
It turns out Jackie is really smart. Exceptional at picking up concepts, subtle ideas, big ideas. Her critical thinking is brilliant. Her math skills are sturdy but with every new concept she needs to practice to get it well. As did I.
Sixth grade was easy for her. She took afternoon classes, so she slept in. We talked every day a lot. More than ever. One on one, like the old days, before ivy. It has been great and she always did her projects and homework. She just rarely studied except for tests. And when she failed a test, we worked together to understand what she missed. And it was fun to work with her, to help her. She asks good questions and she gets it. Also, she doesn’t give up easily.
I heard hard work and sustained effort trained is a better predictor of success than native intelligence, which breeds arrogance or lazy behavior. For that I am grateful that she had to work to get here and the memory of satisfaction in understanding concepts after pursuing the knowledge should help pave the way forward.
But as I said, this year she coasted. Information stuck to her easily. She learned for pleasure. But she did only the bare minimum. And didn’t read this year. She loved to read but if a book is not captivating, she is not motivated to pick it up. No effort when it’s always been easy. I wonder if it will be the opposite for Ivy in reading. She has this intros joy of reading because it didn’t come easy at first. Time will tell.
But, as this school year is almost over, I told her to look around. “Is our life average?” I asked. “Your attitude towards school work is average and when you will be an adult you will reap the fruit of the labour you put in now.“
Her eyes got big. She said it sounds a little scary what I say. When we talk in these terms. Of future reward for the work we put in now.
I told her that at her age I did during summer vacation a few exercises every day. My notebook was open and did very little every day. And I read books. A few pages every day. But everything added up. I was not a brainiac, or a very driven competitive student. But I did my part. With humility. I strongly believe that today I enjoy free time, rest, adventure, nature, time with family, because at her age I worked hard and I never looked over my shoulder to see who else is doing the same. If I wanted an above average life I couldn’t do the average work or lower my standards to the average friend.
She went up and opened her backpack. Read once over her grammar lessons and perused her other books. Not impressive but something.
I create the environment for her to grow but, man! finding inner motivation is not for the faint of heart. I hope she will be satisfied with the life she makes for herself. One can’t rest on the labor of their parents if they are to pursue happiness for themselves. The satisfaction of work is joyous. And one more thing I said: if you want to marry a hardworking, smart man, you want to be the type of woman such a man would be interested in. Well read, self-sufficient, creative, driven, beautiful on the inside, with values and character. Be the kind of person you would want to pursue. Not lazy and average.