If being loved and included by all is your goal, you will fail.
Rejection is one of the most painful feelings one can experience, no matter how mature or old. The sooner you figure out it is still part of being alive, the better.
Some protect themselves from rejection by isolating themselves. That doesn’t mean they don’t feel the sting.
A verse from Dorz stuck with me as teen: “be a friend to many. But have few Good friends. Tell your burden to few. Listen to all.”
Something along those lines. The point for me was generosity and service. Availability and having my source of love and confidence and courage in the One I would draw near with all my heart.
I admit I am independent to a fault. My fear is not that I’ll be rejected but that unknowingly I might hurt someone by excluding them. Inevitably I will fail as well. Not with intention but because I pull my sleeves up and actively serve and participate in too many projects and groups.
After 40 years of life, my inner voice never questions people’s motives, but with neivite I trust everyone’s heart. I believe their choices are honest and true. Even when occasionally I am proven wrong, and if that’s the case I believe they act out of a hurt heart. It’s not personal.
So as my daughter starts her teenage years, and she wants to be included, no matter what, even in groups she doesn’t enjoy, I debate with her the predicament. I challenge her to know what she truly wants, whose company, otherwise she follows a recipe for disaster. She wears her heart on her sleeve, and is particular about her friendships. So why feel hurt when you were not invited to a birthday outing when you didn’t even want to go?
If you are excluded for having been unfriendly, then doing some soul searching is in order. But people outgrow friendships, and having fewer friends is a good goal. Few but good and close than many and superficial.
My heart aches for the inevitable pain ahead, but I embrace the journey. It’s necessary. Rejection is part of life. Let’s not take it personal, review our own behavior and give grace to all.