When you have a busy social calendar, taking a few weeks off from seeing people feels heavenly. On the other hand, if you long for connection and crave socializing, staying home throughout some winter weeks feels exhausting and lonely.
If it was just my husband and I, without any self imposed pressure to make the winter vacation useful, memorable, productive, fun, and if we didn’t have to feed and worry about the kids schedule, I think it would have felt differently. I remember our first winter in Romania. Watching movies, sleeping in. Eating at random hours. It was bliss.
After kids, we had a few winter vacations that felt dreamy. Magical, through their eyes. but now that the kids are almost independent and yet still depend on us for everything. Including schedule, driving, planning, family meals. We find table set meals enjoyable and a good habit to keep.
But winter is wet, foggy, cold, grey, hopelessly dark. And Conrad struggles more than me. But his struggle drags me down. I’m not a ray of sunshine either. But he turns grey and sluggish alike a plant deprived of sun.
So without any fun plans, or trips, or adventures, we fell sooner into a sad state- how long will this winter be? What can we do to make it pass by quicker.
And then it snowed. A lot. A lot a lot. School has also started and today the sun came out. Aaaaaah! What a treat. Blue sky. Negative double digits, but who cares. There is light. And sun. And there are good books to read.
Our main client has offered us another year contract. I was worried about the changes that we have to make to our meager budget. We really live on grace and creative income. And we don’t spend any money frivolously. Except we did buy some gifts for the girls this Christmas.
I worry more often lately if parenting is our calling, if we do a good enough job or our kids will resent us for everything.
Then I remember that there is no perfect decision. And even attaining the right balance and making the best choices …in the end it is the imperfection that makes room for grace. I’m stubbornly humble about my life. And I like the freedom. I fight back the tinge of envy I feel when I hear about my brother’s generosity to many and shopping sprees or trips …but then I repent. And shake off the envy and live with my choices and start planning for better outcomes next year. I do have travel envy. I always did. Especially when I was living in America. My friends in Europe sure know how to explore and live and rest and eat delicious food. Gratitude precedes the blessings. May I never forget that.