When we are bogged down by worry
When we rush through our day
We don’t lift up our eyes to see another
We don’t want to hear anyone’s story.
Seeing is loving.
Listening with curiosity
is generous love.
“I see you. I hear you. I believe you.
Tell me more.”
We could practice this with our spuse.
Too quickly we are numbed by the illusion that we know the other
Their quirks and pet peeves
Their hopes and dreams
The inner most thoughts.
It is not true.
Sometimes when I talk with someone who cares deeply
I am surprised myself of what I dig up from within
The self that is revealed.
It is not me. I couldn’t do all that alone.
Having a witness
A curious kind witness
Who is not rushed
Who listens well
Sometimes we make sense of our own selves
By talking it through with a friend who loves us.
Kids are drawn to adults who stop and smile
Who make eye contact
Who sees them without judgement.
I have often felt underestimated.
Born with an old soul
I know and understood more than any adult gave me credit.
My body grew into my wisdom
And my voice was heard
As a foreigner in a welcoming country
I was listened to with eagerness
Whenever I decided to share my opinion.
So often in my own country
People assume they know me.
And I also assume a lot.
I wish to be like Jesus.
Who stopped and made conversation.
Who stopped and lifted up.
Who touched with healing hands
Who stopped and asked questions.
Who stopped and listened.
Who was not in a hurry.
Though he could read people’s minds
He gave them a chance to speak their minds too.
Do we listen with curiosity to those we love most?
Too often they are the ones we listen to with least curiosity.
Think of your first dates.
You would hang on every word of your beloved.
Every story was a treasure
Sure, after 20, 30, 40 years
Stories repeat
They become dull
tiresome.
But how fascinating it would be
To listen to your beloved with awe still
With delight
Enchanted and share in the dance of ideas and grace.
I feel so loved when my husband listens well
And he still thinks I’m smart.
We sometimes pay this forward to our kids.
When they tell us about their day
And we listen well
And make them feel cool and funny and important.
How can we listen with curiosity?
Paying attention. And inviting the other person to tell us more.
No sarcasm. No silent disapproval.
Nobody ever accused a good listener of being a poor conversationalist.
Allow yourself to be surprised.