Over the course of a few weeks we built a relationship of affection and trust with our matched daughter. She was our daughter from day one, though only 6 months later I am holding the new birth certificate.
When she moved in full time, we had to be very intentional about our quality time together as a couple.
One of the first things we started teaching her was to interrupt us politely, if we were talking. “Excuse me!” And when possible we would offer her undivided attention. And we would save the big conversations for when she was taking a mid day nap, or after she was tucked in for the night.
She would challenge often, the first few months, our decision to put her to bed before us. We’ve explained to her all the reasonable true reasons. She needs to rest, as she is a growing little girl, to get big and strong. Often we were just completely spent after full days of engaged playing, talking, teaching, explaining, cooking and cleaning, and then talking some more with her. Half a year later I realize how much she has grown and how needy she was back then: due to the younger age, the many changes, and the stage of our connection in the adoption process.
But I remember the honest answer I gave her one night when she asked yet again, pleading that she would stay up with us. I told her that: “mommy and daddy need a little time to themselves, just the two of them, to talk and connect, in order to better care for her.”
I must have been very convincing. She accepted that honest (end of the rope and end of energy at then end of the day) answer.
Also when she pleaded that she wants to sleep in the big bed upstairs, with us, we stood firm on the explanation that the big bed is mommy and daddy’s bed. That we are husband and wife, and she is our daughter, and she has her own bed. We had already made some temporary arrangements for her to sleep in bed with us, when it was apparent that she needed to feel connected, safe, close. We had to tune our intuition to discern the times when she just wanted to get her way.
My sassy little girl, smart and kind, funny as a whip, keeps us on our toes.
Today we have her new birth certificate in hand. She is our daughter.
And the article that triggered these thoughts. It is healthy to not have a child centered home. No matter how much you love them.
