Daddy picked Jackie up from kindergarten today. It’s a cold spring day. Heavy rain. Hail in the morning. It’s brutal. One day sunny. One day gloomy. Such is life.
This evening I had a parenting class that energized me. It made me laugh out loud many times. There are three dads and 5 moms. All adoptive parents. All representative of their family. This group is growing on me.
As I got home she was so excited. She asked me to finish reading her bedtime story and play a little more with her.
My own cup was full. Daddy had dinner ready and a glass of red waiting on the table. I had talked this evening about being a better parent. Loving her intentionally. Being emotionally present and effective in parenting her. The other parents said that the class made them sad. Made them realize how little their own parents did for them, though they did the best they could.
She asked to sleep in the big bed. She had not asked this in a long time. We made the deal that if she were to sleep up with us, it would be during the weekend. I think she wanted more physical touch… to feel connected.
We said tomorrow night she will sleep up in the big bed. And I stayed to caress her head, her hair, her face. My glass of wine was waiting but it felt right to stay behind and help her relax. So I stated praying. I started by thanking God for who she is, a beautiful young girl, smart, kind, beautiful, funny… I prayed that He would give us wisdom to love her well, to raise her well, forever. I kept talking like this, a whispered prayer into her ears, truth from my heart, and her breathing got deeper and slower. I kissed her head and I felt recharged myself. What a gift the evening was. She soaked it all up. And she seems to store every word in her little heart and mind.
I learned today that to be good parents and meet their emotional needs, we need to respond well emotionally 30% of the time. Validate their feelings. (Label the feeling. Help them take control over them by helping them understand what they are feeling.) Respond to their needs whenever possible. Take control when necessary.
This is such a good class. And taking a weekly helpful class with other adoptive parents is so inspiring. What a gift!