Even if I’m just annoyed or discouraged, I try to speak truth and hope and belief about the kids’ potential and abilities. I’m pretty good at lying through omission. I’m not sure how else to overcome my surprise or lack of trust in plain view otherwise. So I tell my kids they have incredible potential even if they fail at times. And I appreciate their effort and I point out the things they succeed at. And I tell them that they will probably be better than I ever was at many things. It is within their power.

This pep talk is often layered with asertive-mom-mode, who scolds them for not listening well, and not getting ready to leave on time, for mumbling, for defiance or poor decisions. But the thing that builds the girls self-esteem the most are our prayers, and our praising them when they are not in the room but in earshot. Conrad and talk about parenting, about our daughters and their potential, and hard work and successes.

Over the weekend I checked Jackie’s math endless homework and discovered that she didn’t do much of it correctly. So Sunday afternoon we spent it redoing the homework. Luckily I didn’t feel pressed for time. She was disappointed that she didn’t have free playtime all afternoon but together we made good progress. There are some foundational concepts that she doesn’t have and I asked her how is that possible. When they raise their hand to say they didn’t understand, the teacher repeats the explanation again but they are too embarrassed to say they still didn’t get it. And then the holes in their knowledge only grow bigger as the foundation is cracked. If we work on building a solid foundation, when there teacher explains a new concept and they can connect it to what they already know, there is a rush of joy and adrenaline that imprints the memory of a certain concept and she will be drawn to it again. Good memories matter for a healthy development.

The enthusiasm she shared as I picked her up, because as it happened, she had a math test, and she felt more confident to solve the problems at hand, she was grateful for the work we did do Sunday night together.

I am committed to not letting my own math skills go to waste. I hope she will have the stamina and drive to run the race alongside me. May she begin 5th grade with math knowledge and confidence and a strong foundation.