Recurring unavailability

I had a few snappy replies on the tip of my tongue, to the annoyingly predictable “I’m not available then” answer to a group of friends trying to get together.

And we’ve decided a long time ago to meet all or not at all; because of miscommunication, feelings have been hurt.

It’s been two years with only a handful of meetings and a vacation. Of only I didn’t know there is another way.

How long do I wait? How long until I say how I feel? How can I raise the question of healthy work life balance. Is it my place to say anything at all? Is there something I’m missing?

One thing I know for sure. I don’t want to sound like a broken drum. It’s not like this issue hasn’t been brought up before. So I’ll not be the one to raise pathetic and annoying alarm signals. These friends know what we would say. It’s a matter of them taking a close honest look at their choices.

Is it too much? Do I expect too much? Are our meetings more draining than recharging?

I’m definitely not the needy type. Why does this flakiness or disinterest irritates me so much? Priorities, competing priorities, something more important is always in the way.

I’m tired. It’s been a few months of meeting in passing, if at all. I love my friends but I feel desperate to exit this cycle of “not now, not yet, I can’t”.

Busyness is the trap of the century. There was a time when I liked seeing and presenting myself as busy and tired. In a sense I was. It also gave me a safe distance from people and a good excuse to be left alone. The introvert in me loved it. But doing it for too long, one tends to forget the way Home to friendship in the present. Because people do leave us alone. There is freedom and responsibility to come together willingly, and to reach out.