We slept a lot this month. 10 hours a night. Granted we were both sick – and it started with a throat ache, ugly cough, headache and then whole body ache. It lasted a week for Conrad and then it got me too. So this is the background of our January in Romania.
Trusting my instincts has been complicated this month. I put more weight on my will of iron sometimes. It may have not served my best interest at time. I was also tempted to live in the past to make sure I am not loosing myself, that self that I got to like, as over time I surrounded myself with people that brought out the best in me. And it went both ways, building relationships and making history together: with my family, with close girlfriends and especially at work. Now I’m starting fresh.
Moving back to my home country has been one of the hardest things I have ever done. I always loved Romania, but I am forcing myself to like it too fast. Faster than time allowed so far.
We are naturally wired to embrace progress, to adapt to change, and to grow. But for me, moving back didn’t offer the thrill of a new place. On the contrary, it reminded me of the taste of tolerance.
For those who know me, I am very action oriented. I even jump the gun at times. I have been waiting for some quotes (three different areas of business), and I am utterly disappointed in how slow and unresponsive people are. If I finally convince one person to move faster, I still have 10 other businesses or people with the same old problem: they are on average 30 minutes late to meetings or a week late to answer an email.
But here we are, determined to move forward.
I have protected Conrad of my own struggles, I tried to, or I thought I was. And that wasn’t helpful to either of us. Allowing myself to share how I feel made a dramatic difference in how I relate to day to day experiences. I had been very task oriented, and no matter how productive we would be in a day or a week, I felt little or no satisfaction.
Last minute it fell into place the treat of a massage for Conrad and a haircut for me. We showed up and the experience was a pleasure. As Dana was drying my hair, brushing and arranging it, I closed my eyes and I thought to myself: this is it! Time is standing still. I am truly enjoying this.
On Sunday night I met with Delia and we shared a mint lemonade together. She is unchanged. She inspires me with her positivity, though she sees things the way they are. She is really happy because she is very kind. I think there is a direct correlation between the two.
We are close to buying our own car. We connected with a former colleague of my brother’s who started his own business. And yesterday I connected with a custom furniture builder and our communication has been timely, concise and pleasant. So far, the people that Dan put me in contact with, at my request, have been very kind and very responsive. I do see the value in recommendations, and though I dislike getting special treatment by association, it is nice not to start everything from zero.
In March we will revisit the adoption process. Before we can begin this bureaucratic journey, we had to establish proper residence here. Our hands have been plenty full, and time goes by with a purpose.
Carmen invited me to join her in the leadership of the young women here. What a thrill this is. We work well together, and she inspires me and gives me courage. And the young women are diverse and so interesting.