Caught off guard

Christmas Day, after we opened presents, Conrad started feeling under the weather. It was colder than the prior week but the chills were suspicious. Alas, we watched a movie in the afternoon and Conrad had his head on my lap. He usually has headaches and is often congested. The usual suspects: allergies. The air is very dry too.

That night he shivered to the core. I held him tight. He ran a mild fever probably. Imperceptible. But deep in his core his shivered were bizarre. Mom even suggested he should look into it. He trembles uncontrollably when he gets sick. In the morning, still feeling under the weather, he asked mom to get him some new allergy medicine. In the evening though, mom asked him to get tested. Sure enough the Covid test was positive. He instantly isolated and wore a mask. I got a mask too. 

He took another hot shower, I moved out of the bedroom and slept on the couch in the playroom just outside. I slept well. He slept through the night too, and felt refreshed in the morning. 

I kept my distance from the family. I was worried for how I exposed myself to the virus when Conrad was shivering that first might. I could feel his warm breath, even though I was facing the other way. I cleaned after me, I washed my hands often, I wore a mask in the house. It was just a matter of time. At home we had no more tests. Even pharmacies didn’t carry tests anymore. Eventually mom got some tests and she and dad tested negative. I still carried the burden of worry, out there, in my purgatory. The girls are happy and entertained. We went for a walk. I still kept my distance. 

In the evening, I fair tired, but nothing unusual. We are just getting over the jet lag. From worry or frowning I assume, i felt a slight headache. I didn’t eat lunch and dinner with the family. As I went to bed, my nose started feeling stuffed. But I don’t have allergies. And my headache started intensifying. Soon my face felt like it had been hit by a train. I couldn’t sleep. My nose was dry but clogged. The moment I would sit up I could breathe through it. But I was so tired. Eventually I found a particular told if the head that could allow me to breath. I fell asleep around 3 am. I meditated at Wurmbrand experience in prison. I felt grateful for this purgatory. It’s noisy and not private but Conrad could rest. I tossed and turned a lot. 

In the morning I went hit take a shower. I felt dizzy. Like never before. I couldn’t get dressed. I finished fast and stumbled in Conrad’s room and layer on the floor, with water still dripping. The shower was refreshing by I was spent. Faint from exhaustion and hunger.  I was definitely sick. The test was not necessary. Yet Conrad and mom insisted I confirm. I haven’t felt this sick in years. 

I felt guilty for getting sick. It seemed like a privilege to quarantine. I felt I must be a caretaker and i wished myself strong for a few more hours. But the reality hit. For the first time, Conrad and I got Covid. Mom and dad and the girls are still healthy. I pray they stay so.