At peace

Doubt is the worst.

Worrying about hurting or offending people that I care about is also burdensome. My extended family has many times gotten unreasonably upset for not responding according to their expectations. Bleh.

This is the background. And after letting the dust settle on many relationships I worry that they blame me for it. Which might very well be the case, but there is nothing I can or want to do about it right now.

I started going to this preschool moms monthly meetings just as Jaclyn moved in with us full time. It was refreshing. It was strengthening. It was healing. I worried about finding a spring of water elsewhere other than my childhood church. I worried about the implications and how that might influence others, or hurt my parents. But everyone is responsible for themselves. Making decisions constantly worrying about how others will take them is not my thing. I have little practice with that, for what it’s worth.

After a long time away from dear old friends, I realized that nothing can wipe so much history together, and true friendship and love. But there is room for new relationships, buds, seeds, but they don’t replace the old shady strong trees. There is room for greenery and I’m not betraying myself or my closest friends. Those who don’t understand …aren’t.

Getting together with old friends in multiple circumstances reminded me that life happens everywhere, and we make the best of our friendships together, and we reap the benefits of such encouragement together. You put in a f it pays off in itself. Much like the way virtue is its own reward.

Today I got the email invitation to create an employee account with my old *orchard employer. I have a two months contract. One week to go till we fly to California. We have our daughter. By all accounts things have settled, clarified. We are skipping winter and Conrad is just a tad worried about the new beginning upon our return to Cluj. What’s next. Are we going to reinvent our business? Are we going to adopt another child? Are we buying land? Is Conrad going to pursue his woodworking passion? Take it to the next level?

A new chapter is afoot. And I might end this blog as it served its purpose.