I arrive 20 minutes early in front of the school, and I meet with Iulia, and then Andreea arrives. I like them. We chat. It’s fun and friendly and cool. I pick up the four jars of honey I bought from Iulia and then the class is dismissed. They all rush out. Jackie walks over with 3 other colleagues. They have a project for German class to work on together. The three girls chat in the back. Jackie tells me about her day sitting in front with me. They have stories and names we don’t know. Cousins, neighbors people and events, but Jackie is on the outside. No matter. Their inner circle giggles don’t bother me. Jackie takes it in stride. She is nice, and a good host, but much more quiet than normal. She tells me later that they are a tight knit group and she feels like an outsider a bit. Once she was invited and included but as she was part of the group she realized she didn’t care for it. The conversations were dull, the giggles a bit annoying, the interests or the vibe. Jackie took her leave. And while it’s not fun to be alone, I think she has outgrown her peer interests. She has defined her personality more than I knew who I was at her age. But one thing we have in common: we don’t join a group just to be part of something, anything. We both would rather have space and room to think and be different. It is a heavy burden but she seems willing to carry for now.
I served the girls lunch. Delicious homemade pizza. They all ate fruit too. Apple juice and boba 🧋 then they worked a bit, and giggled lots. I think at some point they liked the same boy that Jackie had an interest in. Now Jackie didn’t want to talk about boys but boys is all they wanted to talk about. 5th grade is wild. Jackie is one of the youngest in her class. So her avid interest in boys is probably delayed by comparison.
It was a very hectic week, hectic month. Lots of demands. My brain is buzzing with lists, demands, expectations, homework, taxes, zoom calls, insurance, guests, conferences, translations, and we keep adding to the pile. We rarely move on from items. I long to close chapters. Move on from groups, from events. I feel like I’m suffocating. My mind needs closure on a handful of stuff.