When we uprooted and moved, we had this utopian dream that we could live in both places. Many international couples have said this. It’s the quintessential dream. But it’s easier said than done.
To be able to embrace your present life you have to let go of much of the past. There are invisible strings at every corner, in every area.
Let’s take for example our trip to California this winter. It’s nearly a quarter of a year. But half way into it I can say I have let go to remembrance my current state. I dived fully and completely into my current situation. Having a busy job helped.
As we were preparing to leave I would longingly look at every aspect of our lives and declare with my heart that That it is home.
While here I started working and that gave me a real taste of what it would be like moving back. We are fortunate to have parents with open rooms for us, toys for jackie, and cars to borrow.
Knowing that it’s only two month of retail work I gave myself fully and completely, like I always do. My work ethic transcends time. I recall as a new teenager going to work the field with my uncle who was most often drunk and with his saint of a wife.
My slightly younger cousins came as well. But working the files was to familiar, to close to home for them so they were not eager. I had the training and lacked the constant practice.
So I pulled weeds on a rarely visited field. The weeds were up to my waist. Thick. Dense. And I pulled till my hands were raw. I think only at the end they realized how hard I worked. When I stopped. And they a little ways to go. Their job slows down to almost stand still. When I work I get in this speed zone and push till I can’t muster up any more energy.
I remember vaguely them comparing and being surprised. They always made dis commends about my city hands, white and soft. Unfamiliar with field work. Schooled hands. These comments washed over me. I liked school and it was not my fault I was not a farmer. I think they spoke from their own unsolved issues.
Well, it is then I proved them differently.
This is how our poured myself at Apple. I give it all in the present. I work the hardest I can, and then I crash. I had a good night sleep finally, after another intense workweek sandwiching Christmas, but I know it. I am fully aware of what I give and what unseen reward is.
I have finally let go of my pining for a different place and time. This is where I am now and it is good, hard as it may be.
Taking it easy today. Maybe going into nature to recharge. Jaclyn slept in the other room and we slept in. Occasionally we are blessed to see and appreciate the little gifts.
Living in both places, in two different worlds, as a working class, takes an incredible amount of adaptability and energy to let go and then re-embrace. I wouldn’t do it over and over again switching once or twice a year. We as humans were not meant to live like that. Inevitably we let go of some things and we focus on the essence, but there are many aspects which we would have to let go of, loose.