Life has entered a smooth season, of solid anticipation of waves, twists and turns. There is little to say about life, other than the fact that we are entering soon the summer vacation, and we wonder how that will be. Will the days seem long? will they fly by?
There is a lot to say about everything else. It occurred to me last evening as we were turning in for the night, that I’ve had seven years of abundance in California, and when abundance is present one is not aware. The lacking is what wakes the senses. There has been abundance in all areas, but I’m talking mostly about spiritual abundance and a community at peace, of strong leadership to look up to, rules and standards to abide by willingly. The lack of structure in Romania, in almost every aspect of my life, has been bothersome, and at times distressing. People don’t like rules, but they don’t understand that the lack of rules makes it even harder to live. Kids need and crave boundaries. Our desire for clear expectations never ceases into adulthood.
After the first year in Romania I was depleted emotionally, spiritually. I poured and poured, and somehow there was plenty to go around. Disappointment rooted in what I had mentioned earlier, has brought me to a halt. In order to continue on the main path of our journey here, and the call I had started on, I let go of unresolved relationships. Even now looking back I believe it was a healthy decision.
Today I am faced with similar human disappointment, in a different context. I’m the VP of the neighborhood association. I tried to make sense of senseless conflict, and it backfired. I got dragged into it. And I had forgotten how petty things can spiral out of control, just because people are in close proximity and you can not detach yourself physically.
These days I find it easier to express myself cryptically, in poems.
That moment
when you extend an olive branch
But it gets ripped out of your hand
and you get smacked with it.
I made one last valiant attempt
to appease things.
But I see it was futile.
It is a hopeless case.
They don’t want to hear
They don’t want to understand.
Before I dived in
Fully immersed,
Wholeheartedly,
My heart was in turmoil.
Now I see clearly.
It is out of my hands.
Then I prayed.
And left it all to God.
I prayed for those who hurt me
For them to get resolve.
And I was freed.
I am at peace now.