Climbing up the mountain though the Psalms, at Palatca, a flat green valley surrounded and protected by woods, tall young trees, young oaks, we started with our present state. No better place to start than with the present (at the base), facing up our current pain, fear or joy.
After our morning team meeting, after Carmen shared from the heart and I witnessed the holiest moment, my heart poured out these words in 2 minutes. It has been on my mind but couldn’t quite articulate it. It’s rough. It’s incomplete. It only shares a glimpse, a part of my story. Part of it is Conrad’s story to tell.
Before sharing it with the group at Palatca, I took Conrad for a short walk to share it with him first. It was a short but sweet, peaceful moment before Brian’s teaching on David’s exile on wings of trust (p70) and there 3 psalms documenting it. Psalm 51 (confession) Psalm 3 (worship) …stoned by criticism then Psalm 63 (worship). It was a glorious overview and insight of how it all connects and is paralleled with David’s previous life experiences.
Conrad wanted to specify that my womb is perfectly capable to conceive, but I say when we married we became one flesh. We are one flesh, and his cancer was thus my cancer. On the other hand God has given us more joy, love, adventure, and life than we deserved. And we accepted.
“Sing, barren woman,
you who never bore a child;
burst into song, shout for joy,
you who were never in labor;
because more are the children
of the desolate woman…” Isaiah 54:1
You called me to Romania
and it is painful;
I feel the labor pains of a New Generation.
I am not worthy. Am I strong enough?
I arrive and realize that I am no longer a seed.
I am a tree.
You’ve already grown me in your garden
you built my roots strong with Grace,
you’ve watered them with Love,
you bathed them with Light,
you drew me closer through pain,
And you’ve strengthened my trunk with your Truth.
You called me and I came.
You gave me the perfect companion
to love and sustain me.
His love is better for me than a thousand sons.
Here we are God.
Your servants.
Hoping to cast a cooling shadow over a dry land.
Give us strength to stand up straight,
arms raised to You.
Do as you wish with us.