I admit this experiment of unavailability on WhatsApp is like abstaining from coffee for a while, just to know I can do it even if it causes me a masive headache.
I do want to test if I can do it (and not yet change my number). And I used to complain I’m part of too many groups and longed for some peace and quiet. Alas, it was not my choice to disappear abruptly. My number is still held captive by whatsapp – if you look for me, it shows my name, last seen in July, but I cant access the message I probably keep receiving there.
There is a bit of curiosity gnawing me, but I think the heaviest and most uncomfortable feeling is that of disconnection. We reached a point of easy access, getting people’s numbers easy from groups. Connecting without even asking for their numbers, and shooting anyone an easy text, or sharing pictures from events we were part of together.
Right now: Out of touch. Like a dinosaur. I also deleted my Facebook account. I know the young people are not of Facebook anyway, but I willingly let go of part of my curated identity over two decades. I now have to start from scratch, like everyone else. Unknown.
On the other hand it is thrilling.
As this blog stands as proof, I like to share. My thoughts. My inner journey. I process in writing. No matter who is reading. And very few people like to read or have the attention span to do so. I take pictures that are beautiful and meaningful to me… not artistic enough to draw attention or be of any value otherwise. My pictures capture emotions or memories, not always faces.
I worry that my refections can be misinterpreted. Taken out of context, or used against me at some point. I confront my belief system, my decisions, and I try to live in the light, reset, regroup, and be honest to the bone with myself first and foremost. I have nothing to hide. There is such freedom living in the light.
My number hasn’t changed. If anyone needs to get a hold of me, they can call. I hope people have enough sense to reach out if anything is urgent. Though I admit my expectations of people’s sense responsibility or basic awareness is low.