The first clarinet class after the Bach competition, the teacher didn’t show up. I guess he was taking a well deserved Monday off, but forgot to tell us.
later edit: Jackie got 1st place 🥇
Jackie called me from music school and I went to pick her up early. She practiced a bit in her professor’s absentia and then FaceTimed with Grammy. I guess she is learning to maximize her time.
She is in a good mood. Chatty as usual. Then she stops to ask if she can tell me what happened that day. Of course. Isn’t this what driving home together is all about? Processing the day’s events.
Mid day, during the long break between classes, she walked to the window by herself to watch the kids play soccer. There were only boys.
A common pass-time for 5th grader girls is looking at the 7th grade boys showing off their skills on the soccer field. I’ve seen them giggle while eating the packed lunch.
Two of her colleagues passed by her and asked her if she likes the boys, that’s why she is watching them play. Teasing each other about new found interest in the other sex is common business in 5th grade. The drama occurs when a few of them like the same boy. Though they never take it further to even saying hi to each other, they call their names, or giggle as they pass, or sneak furtive looks. Sometimes they trip or bump into each other by mistake. It’s exciting and innocent.
When asked point blank if she likes the boys, Jackie denies it. But the trap is more perfidious. “Then do you like girls?” asked her colleague. “Sure. I like girls better than boys”, innocently responds my 11 year old. “So you’re going to marry a girl then?” This follow up question, assumption is so ridiculous that Jackie answers: “Yeah right, cause I’m gay”. It was evidently sarcastic, matching the absurd question her colleague asked, but then the two girls ran off and within 10 minutes spread the rumor that Jackie is gay.
During the next class they were asked to pair up two by two for a debate and nobody wanted to paired with Jackie. None of the girls.
She has dealt with this kind of crap before, from snooty boys, but this is next level. Jackie is a good conversationalist, pulls her weight in projects, is hard working, funny, self-aware and a good friend. She is direct and honest and fair. Sometimes a little too independent and doesn’t have one steady friend to have her back when this kind of nonsense takes place.
” Watch the way you talk. Let nothing foul or dirty come out of your mouth. Say only what helps, each word a gift.” Ephesians 4:29
This very graphic imagery comes to mind given the world play. The word gossip in Romanian is “barfa” and it sounds like barf. And those who open their mouth to listen to gossip and spread it further, it’s like ingesting the barf and then passing it on. I pray for friends who take a brave stand against gossip, and call it what it is.
Jackie spoke up during the last hour and told her homeroom teacher about the gossip spread like wild fire. The teacher was upset with the girls who started the rumor and reprimanded them.
I’m proud of my preteen for pushing back on these big and small aggressions. And for sharing her heart with me. I know she comes across as tough and she is. But how many micro-agressions can and should one deal with on a regular basis. Oh, I remeber figuring out how to go unnoticed. Invisibility is superpower. I have mild trust issues with certain social groups. This is a season of learning to rise above the smut, remembering our identity, our value, and whose opinion matters.
The girl who harassed Jackie struggles greatly in school. The has failing grades across many subjects. And on our drive home I was sharing with Jackie that this colleagues may act out from a place of pain. I’m not excusing her behavior, nor justifying it, but after we redefine the line between right and wrong, if we have eyes to see with empathy, it will give us the strength to forgive and move on.