I grew up with an older brother. When we were little we played a lot. His mere existence offered me a sense of security and connectedness. He also helped me with math and physics in 6th grade. He was always kind to me, and on a few occasions shockingly direct for my pre teen sensibilities paired with cluelessness.
By all accounts he has been a very good brother, generous with his time and resources.
We are very different. And yet we share many formative years under the same roof, cultural & social context, political context, though 4 years apart gave us a whole different experience in perceived freedoms and opportunities.
He was more curious than me, and daring and brave. Some of it might have been my perception just because he was older. I wanted to study at the same high school as he did, but soon I found my own path, my own stride, and embraced my unique gifts and dreams.
Younger kids could be in danger of living in the shadow of older sibling. And it’s not all bad. But there comes a time when older kids need to fly the nest to make room for the younger kids to discover who they are.
My parents encouraged us to have a good relationship, especially when we fought as kids. We were doing what siblings do. But the words of encouragement to be kind to one another stuck.
As adults we have a great deal of love and respect for each other even if we don’t hang out often. We have been witnesses to each others’ becoming, and I know it is a unique perspective. There is a sense of integrity, a consistency of self, a coherence of soul, of personality… we are the same. Except there is more depth and life lived and memories made.