On one hand, I took back some of my authority and decided it’s not yet time to let j be fully responsible for her stretches. She did them once when Conrad told her to get to it, and she kept her corset on. I had a conversation about what would have happened if I hadn’t pulled and pushed her all these years. She is aware of the dire possibility – highly likely outcome. But can’t find it in herself to do anything about it. No strong motivation. It is not yet time to let go of the reins.
I kind of missed our time while she chatted away on the spalier. She did it without much complaint the last years because I was there alongside her. Maybe it is what she needs – a companion on the journey.
One thing backfired: Conrad said she can’t play the clarinet before the stretches. So I haven’t heard her play in a while. He thought wanting to play music is strong enough motivation. She made do without the clarinet. And I long to hear some Christmas carols on her instrument.
Another epiphany: her connection to us, our good relationship, mutual respect, trust, communication- imperfect as they may be, it is a strong foundation for moving forward. I dreaded my trying to keep my tongue, and let her test her our resolve, her own self motivation. I shall continue to nurture our relationship and may it hold us strong during the adolescence storms.
Meanwhile, Ivy surprises me. In one day she learned the multiplication table. She even asked me to give her more tests. She did it. I don’t know how, but she figured out a system. Without me. I’m so impressed – after we played a tug of war with memorizing the multiplication table, that I’m still waiting to see how it plays out the next few weeks/ months. Ivy is incredible. As she shows her cool personality more & more.
Looking back at parenting my two daughters, I have to say age 8-9 is a doozy. A precursor to adolescence. Stubborn and yet still fully dependent on us, and figuring out a strategy for school, learning, homework, respect and trust in authority.
Math or general independent school progress at this age is the first that pushes me to my limit of patience in a deep desire to help and encourage. With both girls I found myself raising my voice when they couldn’t wouldn’t focus. But the alternative would have been to be indifferent. And not care. So here we were… testing our limits. And making it on the other side.