We protect
Interpret words and actions
speak highly of the other
Holding the world in balance
With our heart
With our mind.

I hear them complain about the other
And I weigh in my heart what I hear
Then I pray.

They all have a point
They are all right
and they are all wrong.

None of us is perfect
But that is a blessing
We can’t isolate ourselves
in our pristine faultlessness

I decided to put the cards on the table
Last night as we had dinner
The dad complained about the eldest daughter’s manners.
Within minutes
She started to shut down.
For a while holding a brave face
But then letting her spirit be defeated
She is not perfect in her manners
So I stepped in and asked the other adult
to rephrase with kindness and faith his request,
His advice.

“You love your daughter
You believe in her
She is delightful just the way she is
Nothing needed to be lovable now
Her table manners are secondary.
Treat them as such.”

He softened his stance
He apologized and affirmed his love
Nothing more needed.

The fog lifted from our table.
Our daughters perked up.
Healing in the moment.

I don’t usually confront my husband in front of them
To not diminish his authority
We have plenty talks after the girls are in bed. And I know he is receptive
But he rarely gets the chance to truly repair
After the fact.
This time because of the way he responded
in the moment
With grace and humility
He actually strengthened his authority and respect.

Lighthearted the girls finished their meal
And my decision to speak up
In front of our wide-eyed daughters
I was slightly worried that I’m not doing
either of them a service
But as it turned out
It was healing and teachable and inspiring.

May they remember to speak with courage
Persuasively and clearly
With boldness and humility
With the intention of growth and healing
Not to win an empty argument
Not to put anymore down
But to lift each other up.

Adult arguments in front of the children
As long as they are carried respectfully
Displaying emotional intelligence, wisdom and love,
They can be amazing teachable moments.

Let’s not overprotect our kids.
Let us all work on the inside
to heal to be true to ourselves
And let the light shine through

when it’s darkest outside