At the parenting class I took last month, I connected with another adoptive mom of a 3.5 year old boy. She is 6 months behind me in the adoption journey, and she has been very genuine in her desire to better herself, to learn, to grow.
We’ve had a few long conversations over the phone since, her asking for my input in starting kindergarten for example. Which turned out great by the way. She asked me the other day if over time you get to love him/her more. A very pertinent question I might add.
She is in the first months of practical matching. She has been parenting on her own for over a month as her husband is on a 3 month assignment.
It happens so gradually, but the answer is a definite yes. I told her about a quote I read about love and selfishness. We love and serve our kids without reward for a long time. And this we invest ourselves in them. We end up loving our own selves in the other, as we continue to pour life and love into them. I recognize my daughters face in a crowd, and my heart flutters. She is so familiar to me. She is my darling. And I am her mommy. I challenge her to hold her own. And she surpasses my expectations, my hopes and dreams. I watch her in freedom to see how she blooms. She cracks me up with an observation, an honest assessment, a goofy line every day.
Yesterday we were listening to an NPR podcast, while building with legos on the carpet. She stops and says: “he said California! shhhh!” words cannot describe her delicious face expression. she kept listening calling out all the words she recognized in english (ie share, vacation etc), followed by a loud “shhhh!”
Another question from the adoptive mother was related to the “raise your voice in anger” limit reached. And the guilt ensued. I laughed at the thought which recently occurred to me that in 32 years I have never been driven to such blood boiling anger, as I have been as a mother. On the other hand, after deciding that I have reached my limit, knowing my buttons, and addressing it with explanations and fair warnings, at this point it has been over a month of not getting irritated.
An odd conclusion is that the better and generous the day (activities, attention, time, gifts) the more entitled and sassy the response at the end of the day.
I look forward to having J making a same age friend with whom to share the adoption processing.