Ooh ooh! Pick Me!

Vio told me this story today over coffee:

“A teacher took out a picture of a family and laid it out in front of her students. One of the children in the photograph had a different color skin than the others.

A little boy yelled out, ‘I know why! That kid is adopted!’. And the little girl next to him said, ‘I know all about adoption! I’m adopted!’. A third child then asked, ‘What does that mean, to be adopted?’ and the little girl replied: ‘It means that you didn’t grow in your mommy’s tummy, you grew in her soul’.”

***

We’ve been talking a lot about adoption, not the least because it’s one of the main goals of this trip: to look into the adoption process in Cluj, whether that means an open adoption, or a closed one. We’ve been considering adoption seriously since the Big News. I’ve always dreamed of being a father, I know Vio feels the same way about being a mother, it’s been a topic nearly since we met. She asked me this evening, “Why are we doing this, adopting, I mean? Do you feel we’re being called by God to adopt?”

I’ve always been fascinated by theology and philosophy, and consider myself a Christian, but I’ve never been at ease talking about esoteric things. Perhaps its my overly-analytical way of thinking things through. Not that I dis-believe or dis-credit others when they talk of ‘being called to do something’. I just have a hard time picturing God reaching down with his hand and pushing me along a path physically, or sweeping the path clear for me to walk, I tend to lean on the side that believes you shouldn’t just sit back and enjoy the ride. What is it to feel that you’re ‘Being Called’ anyway, is it a dream where God sends and angel that tells you what is to be? Is it God giving you an overwhelming desire to do or not do something, to go somewhere, to marry someone? Or is it sometimes God putting something so far out-of-reach that you need to really, really want it to happen that you educate and push yourself and make little moves toward it for a long time so that you accomplish it, only then will it be your ‘Calling’?

I know, I believe, that God had used all of these ways and more to gently nudge people to do what is planned for them, the old saying “God works in mysterious ways” comes to mind. But how am I to know that this is the right direction; if I’m thwarted once, should I keep trying? I know people who would believe that they weren’t meant to become parents if they had gone through what we had.

As we get closer to this trip, and we learn more about what it would take to adopt a child, the more plausible it becomes that even on a trip of two weeks, we could be given a child. I can imagine a butterfly effect series of events beginning nine months, two, sixteen, thirty years ago, culminating on one day when we visit the hospital and on the same day a mother had come to give birth to a child that she couldn’t take care of. I couldn’t just stand there and see a child that needed a home and not raise my hand like a second grader who really, really wants to be called on.

It would throw everything, all of our plans for the next few months, out of whack. We may need to stay another week, another month, to finish paperwork, prepare for the trip back. We may not be coming back to the same job offers, the same opportunities for housing, and everything would become twice as expensive just because we’re three now instead of two (math was never my strong suit).

But none of that would matter. There has always been some small percentage of that all happening, but it would be worth it, in my mind, to be suddenly the parents of a child who needed us. I choose to believe that if that happens, it was meant to, and we should just keep walking ahead.