Letter to mom

A week after we got back, I wrote to mom. That was a week ago. Haven’t heard back yet. Today I decided to re-read my letter.

Hey mom,

You probably have a lot to catch up on. What a whirlwind the last many months have been for you. I hope your time with your sisters was refreshing and fun and everything you have hoped it would be and more! 

We adjusted to life back home pretty fast. The girls started school the very next day after we got home. It is strange how the discomfort of the cold, the driving, the homework and food-shopping, laundry and work… it all fits like a glove, more than a life of confort and dependency. We have outgrown our childhood. I feel old and slightly less flexible. But this will do.

I am still processing our wild adventure of staying in Austin for so many weeks. Jackie and Ivy think it was the best thing ever. Ivy hugged me in her jet lag state, frustrated she can’t sleep one of the first night, and she thanked me for taking her to Austin this winter.   

A wise saying I got from you, one I often pass on to friends, is to communicate expectations. To be precise: “unspoken expectations are preplanned resentment”. 
I came with high expectations of myself because I felt pretty good leading into winter. And it was humbling to be so out of my comfort zone, and not be able to do more. 

You have been amazing throughout our stay with you. Flexible with the grandkids, generous and fun, always available for a game or two. 

I have completely neglected our relationship the past year. I have pulled away from many places, in order to recharge, I thought. I felt like I’m thinning out, spreading thin. But a strange thing has happened: as I try to be present again, I feel I am interacting from behind a glass. I don’t have the patience for all the idiosyncrasies, but I don’t have the heart to call them out. Having kids and speaking more bluntly with them, I worry that most other people would feel offended if I spoke my mind. As I get older I realize I have more opinions about a lot of things. Though my opinions are not imperative to share, or necessary. Many have to do with parenting and maybe a bit of politics and religion. Thank you for listening often times at the end of the day. 

I apreciate and admire your drive to serve. And how easily you and dad got plugged into community in Texas. We have some of this in common. 

I pray you get refreshed and replenished as you pour in one direction, may God refill you to the brim from His miraculous resources. May friends draw near, surfacing in unexpected ways, may your sisters and daughters hold space for you, to feel heard and seen and appreciated. May there be room for worry and sadness without anxiety. May all pass like a breeze and you would remember that all is taken care of, and God is still sovereign and in control. And all good gifts come from Him. 

I wish you rest, and the joy to be still while the house quiets down. 

I love you and I am grateful for you!