We had the first night out without Jaclyn. Impromptu no less. We went to have dinner out with a couple, at the same restaurant Conrad and I met exactly 10 years ago. Jaclyn asks me every day to let her go play at the grandparents. And she is determined to walk there alone. She likes to do the same thing over and over until she gets sick of it, or eat the same thing over and over, or read the same book over an over… or visit the same friend over and over. The fact that she asks for something does not mean she will get it, because it is not vital, or it is too much, or became not having it builds character.
When my mind was rested, and I would get the birds eye view of the parenting, I thought I knew how it will be and that I had mapped out at least the big milestones. In the midst of it I sometimes am unsure of where’s up and where’s down. And I not sleep deprived. But I am invested emotionally, spiritually, intellectually and I am physically in for the ride. I’m also on Q&A overload.
Jaclyn whispered out of the blue “I love you daddy!” and got her daddy all chocked up. And came to whisper to me this morning :”good morning mommy!” (in English) and more and more, as Conrad and I have conversations in English in her presence, she starts to pick up and contribute in English, spot on. I’m afraid we are loosing our ability to converse privately with each other in her presence. But we are gaining a bilingual kid.
Last night we had a full night sleep. No tossing and turning, no waking up to pee and no accident. I woke up so rested. Heaven! We had a night out in village outside Cluj, at a Hungarian bistro, celebrating the birthday of a friend. We got home at 11 pm. Jackie didn’t even fall asleep during the long car drive, as she had just had cake before getting in the car. She loved the adventure and she was wonderfully behaved during the dinner, socializing with kids and adults alike. With one small meltdown when Liviu was playing the guitar and she didn’t want to stop stomping her feet, even after I had asked her nicely. I told her that we will leave before cake if she doesn’t listen to me. Coco’s chocolate cake drives a hard bargain.
Not sure what to do with “I don’t want to” phase. I turn it on all sides, like a pancake that didn’t cook well and I was impatient to turn it, and now I keep turning it, a little bit on each side, without little progress. At first I took the “no” as a compliment, as my social worker mentioned it is a sign of comfortability with us, but I want to also work towards her trusting my decisions. She doesn’t want to go to bed, except with extensive persuation, or let me pull her hair into a ponytail.
I don’t think my parents or grandmother spent much time thinking about how not to quench my spirit by setting boundaries, saying no or worried about choosing the right developmental games or the right school and filtering any of my friends… so why is our generation so guilt ridden? And if I didn’t feel guilty about something, I worried I didn’t feel guilty. We are a generation of over-thinkers.